


FRIENDQUEST

by omnichromatic



Series: FRIENDQUEST [1]
Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck, Pesterquest - Fandom
Genre: Act 1, Canon Compliant, Centered somewhat around plot of Pesterquest thus far, Epilogue mentions, Gen, In the future will include Friendsim characters, Kind of? I mean MSPA has retcon powers, MSPA Reader Fixes Everything, MSPA Reader POV, MSPA Reader has all the Friends, Meta, Multi-Act Fic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pesterquest Spoilers, Pesterquest mashup, SBURB/SGRUB (Homestuck), SO, Time Travel Fix-It, all of them - Freeform, very meta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-11-15 01:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20858177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omnichromatic/pseuds/omnichromatic
Summary: All throughout MSPA’s day on Earth, they’ve suspected something amiss. When they meet up with Jade and her godly dog, it all clicks.And now, they are the only thing standing between their friends and absolute destruction.ACT 1 of the FRIENDQUEST series.Updates Wednesdays (as well as impromptu updates when I have time)





	1. PART 1 - 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the start of something I have been planning for a bit. Although I want to keep things as unspoiled as possible, future acts will contain not only Homestuck but Hiveswap Friendsim characters. In its entirety, this story is going to be very long. There are currently four acts planned, as well as the possibility of additional acts. Each act has different parts or sub-acts. Long Acts may have intermissions.  
In future chapters, there will be possibilities for current readers to vote on which route to take (or decide individually through different chapter branches, with only one choice continuing the story. I also plan on being very interactive with other parts of the narrative, so active readers will be rewarded!  
I hope that some people enjoy my little story about (in total) approximately 56 kids playing a game. And I wish myself good luck in my adventures of trying to write all of them well.  
EDIT: I fixed the absolutely awful coding that somehow befuddled this chapter. It took a very long time to make it all correct, jesus christ.

ACT ONE.  
PART ONE.   
REMEMBER.  
You’ve spent a few hours with three newfound friends, each time getting a little more wary than the next. Everything’s actually going great! Or at least, you feel like it did at certain points. Even though it probably never happened, you also have this feeling that other times it wasn’t going great. You feel like at one point you upset Dave or Rose, maybe flew out of a window? But then again, that obviously never happened, because you still have all three friends. That’s all that really matters, right?   
…  
Right?  
Why do you feel so…  
Fractured?  
You’re missing things, tantalizing things at the very tip of your consciousness. Like when you try to remember a dream, and it slips right away, but you just *know* some things. Going without your hoodie makes you feel small and helpless. Thinking about how good you are at making friends (even with only about three hours of experience) makes something in the very back of your head ping. Haven’t you been doing this for months? But, you continue onwards. You always do. You aren’t sure how you know this.  
Dave told you the location of one whole other friend. Well, he gave a general description of a location, and that’s enough for your zappy powers. You try to imagine an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Dave said there’s probably a greenhouse, since his friend talks about her garden a lot. Not much to work with, but more than you had before! You think you can imagine something like that anyway. It sounds vaguely familiar, and for some reason when you imagine it you also see a large pillar with a ball on top. And a frog. That’s probably not important though. Your imagination can be pretty wild sometimes.  
Oh, wait, you were so busy monologuing that you didn’t notice you had popped onto a sandy beach.   
You look around for a bit, trying to get your bearings. You can see a large house sort of nestled into a mountain, and figure you must’ve made it to the right place. Well, time to start a little hike!   
**????: hi!!**   
Wh… what was that? Is somebody here? You turn around and around, but still fail to see anybody.  
**????: over here, silly **   
A hand sticks out of a nearby shrub, and soon a face comes to follow it. She’s got long, scruffy hair and a doofy smile just like John’s. She looks like a happy little puppy.  
**????: aww, thanks!**   
**????: the only puppy around here is bec though**  
Oh shit, you said that out loud. Well, she seemed to take it okay. You wonder who Bec is. Are you going to make two friends? One who is possibly a doggy??? She beams at you, excited that you can match her enthusiasm.   
**????: you're the pretend mailman right**   
Yep! That’s you. Fake mailman, friender of children.  
**????: awesome!! i can't believe you got here so fast**  
JADE: my name's jade :D  
Nice to meet her! Fast? Oh, right, you’re in the middle of the ocean. You briefly explain your time and reality warping zappy powers.   
JADE: oh right, rose said you are magic  
JADE: which i thought was fake but i guess not?  
Yes. Definitely not. Not fake, you mean. You aren’t sure how it works, but why look a gift hoofbeast in the mouth?  
JADE: what beast?  
Never mind. So what makes her tick? Dave said she likes to garden, which is totally cool! In your opinion, not Dave’s. You don’t know his opinion on gardening, but he’d probably be like “Pshh, gardening’s lame. I’d rather farm levels in videos game.”  
JADE: hehehe that really does sound like him  
JADE: yeah i live here by myself so i have to farm for food  
JADE: but also it's just really fun!  
By herself? Like, no kind of familial figure, no matter how strange and offbeat they seem?  
JADE: well, i've got bec!  
JADE: but other than that i'm alone, yeah  
JADE: ...  
JADE: gets kinda lonely  
Hmm, you bet… Well, you’re here now so she doesn’t have to feel lonely! You try not to think about what will happen after. You haven’t considered what you’ll do once you’ve done befriending all these kids… Find more? Nobody here seems nearly as important, though. Wait, important? What do you mean? These are just children, for god’s sake. Jade looks cautiously at you. Oh, you realize you’ve just been staring at her for a really long time.   
JADE: are you ok?  
Yeah. Yes! You are definitely fine. Why don’t the two of you walk around or something? The beach is pleasant, but you’d love to see more of her island.  
JADE: oh, right!  
JADE: we can go up to my house, if you want :)  
You were hoping she might say that, but didn’t want to suggest it yourself. Coming from a kinda-mailman, it would just seem strange. You nod enthusiastically and follow her down a rough path in the overgrowth. After what feels like hours of walking (it’s only a couple minutes, really) you get tired of romping around in the bushes like an animal and politely ask if she would mind you zapping the both of you straight into the house. Her face lights up.   
JADE: i thought you would never ask!!  
JADE: i've been taking us in circles waiting for you to say something  
Oh, she’s a sly dog. She holds up a hand and you take it, telling her to imagine the room she wants to go to. In an instant, you pop into existence on a carpeted floor. A dog that was peacefully curled up instantly vanishes in a flash of green, but you swear you hear a growl on the way.   
JADE: huh  
JADE: i've never seen bec act like that  
Teleporting? Yeah, you’ve never seen anyone else do it besides you. Do you leave a green flash too?  
JADE: what? no, he does that all the time hehe  
JADE: usually he doesn't growl  
JADE: maybe he's not used to guests  
So… The dog can teleport. Okay. Is he like you? God, this revelation is making your head hurt.   
JADE: oh no no  
JADE: i don't think he can go through time like you said you can!  
JADE: he's just my radioactive friend, is all :D  
Are… are you radioactive? Are you going to end up frying your friends? You shake your head. No, of course not. You draw the line of magical bullshittery at being a walking nuclear field.  
JADE: maybe we should find him though...  
JADE: i wanna make sure he's not sick or something  
JADE: he's never been sick before but you know  
You nod. It’s time to be the best damn mailman veterinarian this world has ever seen! You assure her that this is what you are. She doesn’t look like she believes you, but plays along anyways, and the two of you are now zapping around to different spots on the island she says Bec tends to go. After a while of searching, you wipe your brow. This isn’t really hard, but you’re getting kind of bored. If a god dog wants to be alone, he shall be, you say.  
JADE: you're really funny!  
JADE: i can see how you made friends with everyone so fast  
JADE: literally a few hours across many states  
JADE: and territories, in my case!  
Why thank her! Nobody seems to recognize all the work that gets put into this. Tremendous amounts of work. You are such a well-traveled mailperson.   
JADE: haha yeah  
JADE: this is getting really boring though  
JADE: i know one surefire way we can get him to show up.... :)  
She takes your hand and looks at you, letting you know she’s thinking of someplace. _Zap!_ It’s… Where is this? The ground is suddenly stone, and you’re in some kind of room with hieroglyphics on the walls, and a sort of giant computer inset in the wall like a sci-fi laboratory. Jade breaks away and rushes to what looks like a large window.  
JADE: oh my god i can't believe that worked!!!!  
You peer over her shoulder. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT it’s not a window. It’s a straight up ledge, and you’re in a tall-ass tower. Behind you, an infernal growl makes a shiver go straight up your spine.   
JADE: aw man, fun's over >:(  
Before you can make a move, Bec’s bowling into Jade’s side. She yells in vague surprise, and the two are blown off the ledge. You call out in terror. God damnit, this must be a bad ending (What the hell does that mean?). Wait… In a green flash, they disappear. And reappear on a massive lilypad in the ocean below. In an instant you follow, and wobble at the sudden change in consistency under your feet.   
JADE: that was amazing!!  
Bec snarls again, and zaps Jade somewhere new. You can’t see them this time, so you just tell your powers to take you wherever she went. By the time you get there, they’re already teleporting again. After a few zaps through increasingly more confusing settings, you finally land back into Jade’s room. She is sitting, dazed on her bed, and Bec is standing guard beside her. He isn’t growling anymore, at least.  
JADE: uuuuugh  
JADE: it's really disorienting to be teleported all over the place like that bec!  
JADE: don't you know anything about different elevations and pressures and temperatures and how you should'nt be exposed to them all in a row??  
JADE: of course not, you're a dog...  
She flops back onto the mattress, and groans again. You take the opportunity to get a look around. Posters of furry art and various eye-catching cartoons are all over the walls, and you suppress a snicker of amusement. One poster has squid-shaped creatures that kind of remind you of Rose’s shirt. Cute.  
After a bit of scolding Bec for his unwieldy behavior, Jade stands back up and the dog approaches you. Is he trying to apologize? Aww.  
JADE: i told him to let you pet him to say sorry for being a bad doggy.  
JADE: and since he definitely loves me, he'll do whatever i say unquestionably!  
You feel like that’s not true, that the dog does what it wants, but hold your tongue. This friendship has been… A little draining, but surprisingly easy to make! Jade seems like such a happy girl for being isolated on this island. She reminds you almost eerily of John, like they could be long lost siblings or something. The dog lowers its head as your hand comes to rest between its ears.  


_Something is wrong._  
No, nothing’s wrong, you think to yourself. You don’t know why you think so.  
_You feel buzzing, reverberating through your hand, up your arm, rattling your chest._  
You scritch the dog behind the ear, who’s decidedly behaving well.  
_Your whole body feels like it’s on the cusp of imploding. Where are his eyes?_  
You slowly drag your hand along the side of its head, and cup its fluffy cheek in your palm. Where are its eyes? You think sluggishly.  
Before you can find a feasible answer, Bec’s jaws flash open.  
_His jaws clamp down on your hand. The floodgates open. The energy of the green sun cracks throughout your body._

DOC SCRATCH: What the hell is happening?  
DOC SCRATCH: Who ‘s trying to enter the vein of energy?  
DOC SCRATCH: That stupid dog better not be fucking around with Jade again.  
DOC SCRATCH: Wait…  
DOC SCRATCH: Who is that…  
DOC SCRATCH: No.   
DOC SCRATCH: NO.  
**======> MSPA Reader: Remember.**  
  



	2. P1 - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the hundred hits in just a couple days!  
This chapter is considerably longer than the first, it's a miracle I got it done so quickly on top of my life stuff.

You think maybe you’re screaming. There’s a rampaging pain behind your eyes like your entire skull is being ripped apart. Bec has let go of your hand and fucked off somewhere, but you can’t even comprehend that he’s gone because your every sense is flooded with pain and your eyes are not seeming to cooperate with your think pan.  
And every single memory drives a nail into it. Foreign vocabulary, hell, snippets of a language… Your chest jitters wildly trying to say something. You’re vaguely aware of a yell of fear from Jade, and think she must be shaking your shoulder while you convulse on the ground.  
Then you’re not shaking anymore, still in exhaustion.  
JADE: what the hell?!?!?!  
JADE: are you okay????  
You stutter and click “no” but she doesn’t understand Alternian. For a second you don’t notice her moving, with your muscles utterly wrecked. She has a shotgun trained on your forehead now, trembling but determined.  
JADE: i don't understand what's going on....  
JADE: please don't make me shoot you!  
JADE: we only just met!! and if you're really some hell thing i'd just have to... go back to being lonely  
No, no! You finally find raspy use of your vocal chords, and she visibly calms a little bit, but keeps the gun in place. You… You just need a minute. A minute. What day is it today?  
JADE: april thirteenth  
JADE: still john's birthday  
JADE: seriously what's going on????  
It’s… Fuck. Jade. JADE. God, oh god. You’ve fucked everything up. Oh, holy fuck.  
JADE: fucked what up??  
JADE: the game? that's not your fault, the copies got lost in the mail  
JADE: listen, whatever's going on, i don't understand!!!!  
No. Shit, no. Jade. She has to understand. This is just like the epilogues! You fucked this timeline up, and it’s not canon anymore.  
You jolt upright and Jade jumps back, bewildered and scared. Bec is nowhere to be seen, and good thing; you feel like kicking a first guardian of some kind right now. You have retcon powers. You can go back. You HAVE to go back. These kids-... Jade is staring at you in terror. You’ve been talking aloud again.  
JADE: ........  
JADE: tell me what's going on  
JADE: RIGHT!! FUCKING!!!! NOW!!!!  
She yells and you cringe, your senses still reeling from the overload of information they’ve just gotten. Okay Jade okay! Please… please don’t yell. Can… Can you borrow her phone? For just a moment? You’ll explain everything after that.  
She gives you another look of confusion and fear, but fishes out the device anyway.  
JADE: i’ll be reading over your shoulder  
JADE: if you try anything i will know!!  
You take the phone in your shaking hands, and open Pesterchum.  
gardenGnostic [GG] opened memo on board You fucked up!!!!  
GG: You open the memo and hope that the others will reply soon. Jade is looking over your shoulder quite expectantly, and you feel a bit of sweat on your brow.  
GG: Good god, guys, hurry up! This is just about the most important day of their lives! Dammit, this is just a waste of time...  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.  
TG: jade what the hell are you on  
TG: is this some new furry roleplay thing youre trying out or  
GG: No, you say vehemently. This is not Jade. You are borrowing her phone. This is. Uh, You suppose you never really gave them a name. This is the mailman.  
TG: oh hey dude  
TG: whats up with the second person talking  
TG: i know you do that in your little narration spiels or whatever  
TG: but isnt this a bit ridiculous  
GG: Sorry, the typing quirk is a force of habit. I'm here. We need to wait for everyone to show up!  
ectoBiologist [EB] responded to memo.  
EB: i fucked up something? when?  
GG: No, I fucked up.  
EB: what'd you do jade? and why are you talking like rose   
TG: its the mail guy   
EB: what??  
TG: egbert read the log for christs sakes  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo.  
EB: rose, do you understand what's going on?  
EB: rose??  
TT: I was reading back along the memo. No, I'm in the dark like you. I have a bit of an idea, though.  
TG: is jade in danger  
TG: god damnit mailguy i knew we needed to keep a closer eye on you  
GG: No, no! Let's all be calm. I'm also telling this to myself just to be clear.   
GG: Fucking fuck shit god dammit!  
GG: Ugh  
TG: dude  
TG: what  
TG: can you spare us the panic  
TT: I'd rather cut straight to the chase as well.   
GG: Listen  
EB: ?  
EB: ......  
GG: I'm typing be patient  
GG: This is really important. I just have to own up to it okay? When I first got here all my memories were erased  
GG: I panicked when I saw John and stuffed his copy of SBURB through the sewer grate.  
EB: you what??!  
TG: what the FUCK  
TG: i KNEW it  
TG: my present too dickhole  
GG: Okay okay! You can be angry at me I GET it it was fucked up  
GG: But you have to understand. I changed all of your destinies. If you don't trust me now, you're all going to die aJFJksdhgiF  
GG: it's jade  
GG: what the hell??????????  
GG: i had a FEELING something was going wrong  
GG: bec's been acting weird ALL DAY  
GG: i couldn't see skaia in my afternoon nap  
TT: I was quite disappointed when John didn't get his copy, as well.  
TT: I have this... Innate sense.  
TT: That game was our purpose.  
GG: Okay, it's me again. Yell at me LATER if you want. I'm going to fix this. ALL of this. Or ALL my friends will suffer and die.  
EB: i thought you just knew us??   
EB: i am mad at you by the way.  
GG: Jade's dog, Earth's First Guardian, bit me. I remember everything. I have the power to fix this timeline. I can make us LIVE.  
GG: It's going to be really, really hard. And it's going to take a long time. But if we are going to be the alpha timeline... The one where everyone survives...  
GG: You all have to trust me.  
TG: why should we  
TG: this could another ploy to fuck up our lives some more  
TG: murder our parents/guardians or some shit  
GG: That might happen...  
TT: You know, saying that doesn't help your case.  
GG: Okay, you know what? We don't have time to argue right now! The reckoning is coming whether we like it or not! I'll bring us back in time to yesterday, but I have to get everyone else.   
GG: NO ARGUMENTS, I'm coming to pick all of you up RIGHT NOW.  
TG: i dont agree with this  
TG: if you come near me i will have bro deal with you again. understand  
TG: wait why did i say again  
GG: You have time powers! I'm sure you can subconsciously recognize failed timelines close to yours, even though you're not god tier yet.  
TG: holy shit. you are actually a lunatic  
GG: UUUGH SHUT UP. I'm doing this whether you like it or NOT!  
TT: I'm packed and ready.  
EB: you're actually going with this rose????  
TT: I told you. I've Seen things. They're speaking honestly.  
GG: ENOUGH I'M CLOSING THIS MEMO.  
[GG] closed memo.  
Jade snatches her phone back and you rub your temples, the screen not having done any favors to your splitting headache.  
JADE: you have a LOT of explaining to do :/  
And explain you will! After you go collect the other kids, you say. You tell her that this might take a while from your perspective, but you’ll be back in a few seconds for her. You see her dive forward to try and stop you, but seconds too late.  
JADE: wai-  
Okay, Rose first. She seemed really cool about all this in the memo… Which is good, you suppose. Jade was yelling in your ear nearly the whole time, and obviously Dave and John aren’t too thrilled. You pop into her hallway, and softly knock on her bedroom door. Hopefully her mom isn’t around. Not that you think the guardians will know what to do at this point… While you’re thinking, the door opens quickly and you find yourself on the sharp end of a knitting needle.  
ROSE: You have one chance to prove to me you're not a kidnapper who's conned four children into stepping into their van.  
Wh- what?  
ROSE: Personally, I want to believe you.  
The needle moves a little closer towards your sternum and you suppress a yelp.  
ROSE: How likely is it that a complete stranger, able to teleport across the world, would be so damn interested in four teenagers? To try and get them to play a video game?  
ROSE: So. I’ll believe you. If, and only if, you can tell me something that would otherwise be completely impossible to know. It has to be quantifiable, of course, but that’s your own folly. Figure it out.  
ROSE: If you can't convince me, then I won't hesitate to push this needle a little further.  
Shit, she drives a hard bargain. You can do that. What could she possibly want? You’ve got literally thousands of secrets for her, and several years of character building dirt on all these kids. What would she know that would not be google-able knowledge? She’s looking at you with a patient expression. You’ve been rambling, but she didn’t stop you. You say you’re sorry, you tend to ramble when you’re being held at needlepoint.  
ROSE: It’s alright, just get on with it.  
Fine. FINE! You WILL get on with it!  
Rose is super gay, even though she currently only knows one other female! She writes wizard fiction because she secretly likes wizards, but hates admitting the truth and will absolutely smite anyone who brings it up! You know that from personal experience, now that all your memories are unlocked again. She’s fascinated with the void and eldritch horrors! A troll named grimAuxillatrix reached out to her and claimed to be from the future, and that is her future wife! Her cat’s name was Jaspers and he got crushed by a book!!!!!!! You finish with a huff, having hardly taken any breaths in between. She looks like a mixture of embarrassed and impressed, which was not a look you thought you would ever elicit from her.  
She then laughs it off, smiling just a little bit.  
ROSE: Okay, okay. You didn't need to go that hard, but I guess I asked for it.  
ROSE: I was pretty sure that you're the catalyst in our lives, anyways. Well, SBURB was supposed to be that, but since you fucked it up, I'm glad you're helping us out.  


With that, you sigh a breath of relief. As long as none of these kids end up killing you, things have a chance of working!  
ROSE: Yeah, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Dave has been messaging me like wild. He's flying off the handle, and I doubt John will be very happy with you.  
ROSE: From what I know about Dave's guardian, he won't let you go without a little strife if he thinks something's up.  
Oh, you know. You KNOW. You have unfortunately remembered more about Dave’s bi drama and getting thrown out of a window by an (abusive?) older Dirk than you would care for. The breadsticks only kind of make up for it. And don’t even get you STARTED on John’s dad. He’s too good. All of their guardians are just-  
ROSE: I know you have infinite time, since you can go back, but can we hurry up? As fascinating as it is to hear about my friends' parents, and all, I'd still like a full picture here.  
Okay, fine, miss gothy bossy! You’ve gotta ramble all the stress out while there’s still time! SBURB won’t be the best time for talking to others, if your plan ends up working how you want it…  
ROSE: Hmm. Cryptic. Let's get going, shall we?  
You clutch onto her shoulder a bit rougher than necessary. You are an absolute mess right now, and her attitude, while understandable, is not helping. You’re not at full breakdown level yet, but having all your memories return to you in mere moments sure does something impactful on the psyche.

So…  
Where first?

** >DAVE’S APARTMENT**  
** >JOHN’S HOUSE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.strawpoll.me/18741717
> 
> Which place should MSPA go first? This may have slight effects on the pacing of the plot.  
Voting ends Monday the 7th.


	3. P1 - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos I've gotten so far! I always try my best to read and reply where I can! Also, I'm happy to say more people participated in the vote than I anticipated!  
In case anybody is curious, Dave won 9-6.  
:)  
Also, I know I said I update on Wednesdays, and it's technically Tuesday night where I am, but pretend like it's Wednesday. Thanks

**>DAVE’S APARTMENT**  
You mull it over for a bit, but in the end you decide that dealing with Dave first might be better. He seemed genuinely pissed at you, and might do with being calmed down first so he can help you convince John. Still clutching Rose’s shoulder, you zap the both of you to the top of the roof.  
After the two of you have a bit of time to adjust to the lighting and temperature, Rose removes your hand and points in a direction. To your left, Dave is pacing wildly, not having yet noticed you two, seeming to talk angrily into his palmhu-... phone. It’s gonna be a bit hard to adjust to this.  
DAVE: john listen to me theyre probably coming for you  
DAVE: since i already established i am going to put up a fight  
DAVE: im not letting this crazy take me ANYWHERE okay  
DAVE: dont let them take you either dude this shits fucked  
DAVE: no i get it destiny shmestiny i kinda understand what rose was saying but this is LUNACY  
DAVE: they even said theres a chance that our guardians will die dont you get it this is some ransom shit  
You can barely hear John’s jabbering through the other side, and wonder what he’s trying to say. You think you’re probably going to have to go back in time a bit for John, just so he can’t get convinced by Dave. While you’re wondering exactly what to do, Rose clears her throat and Dave’s attention immediately snaps in your direction. Fucking thanks, you guess.  
DAVE: BRO  
Shit, he’s calling in the big dog already? You didn’t think you would ever see him so agitated. You’re guessing that something so disruptive on his small friend circle would really get him in a tizzy. Shit, you said that out loud.  
ROSE: I agree with you, but don’t offend him more than you have to.   
DAVE: you  
You?  
DAVE: im not gonna let you brainwash my friends  
Rose chuckles halfheartedly.  
ROSE: It’s very touching that you’re concerned for us. I understand your doubts, but maybe you should hear them out.  
The door separating the flight of stairs and the rooftop slams, and Dave jumps slightly before looking instantly more relaxed. Oh shit, it’s Dirk.  
DAVE: i  
DAVE: i never told you his name  
You know.  
The man flash-steps before you, and you feel a coil of dread deep in your gut. His tall, imposing figure isn’t exactly helping and you know he’s capable of cutting an entire meteor in half, so you would be a piece of cake. However, he doesn’t make the first move, and you reason that it’s because you haven’t actually done any harm to Dave. He does, however, stare menacingly at you behind his shades, and you resist the urge to do something stupid. This isn’t Alternia anymore; Doc Scratch isn’t around to reset your narrative if you die. It’ll just be some weird time shenanigans shit that you won’t remember, and there’s not enough memory left for that. You take a few steps backward, and bump into Rose, who looks interested in how this is going to turn out.  
Look, can you just talk? You’re sure that something can be worked out here. Dirk stares blankly at you, and oh my god you hate this splinter of him so much. Not even in the black way. He’s just an ass and a bad person.  
DAVE: uh listen bro i know you told me to come up here for strife but this shit is kinda going down  
Dirk disregards you and pulls out a shitty sword, pointing it menacingly at Dave, and oh _hell_ no. You glance at Rose and she seems to agree with you; this beatdown is not about to happen while you’re _right fucking here._ You know too much Dave lore to just let this continue. So, doing something stupid it is.  
_STRIFE!!!_  
Dirk lunges forward and Dave jumps back, taking his own sword out of his strife specibus. You take the chance to do your Stupid Thing, and Rose is taken aback when you leap directly onto the asshole’s back, trying a weird chokehold thing you think you saw Nihkee do once. He sways and nearly topples sideways, but starts to regain his balance. That is, before Rose darts in and tackles into his side with her shoulder. Dave looks confused and conflicted while you struggle on the man, and at the last second decides to come at you apprehensively in defense of his bro. Your last ditch effort is to allow Dirk to throw you off, and you half-roll half-bounce across the ground until suddenly.

Falling.  
FALLING  
_Zap_  
You’re fine again, aside from the new couple of bruises and scrapes and the rush of adrenaline and terror.  
You take a tiny second to remain on the ground curled up and sniffling, while you hear the clanging of swords behind you. As you’re starting to get up again, Rose is beside you with an unreadable expression. She looks ready to stab a bitch, and really, you feel the same way. Dirk didn’t seem to give two shits about your failed attempts at stopping the fight, and Dave looks strained holding him off.  
Fine. FINE. If this little twunk ass bitch isn’t going to go away, you’re going to MAKE him go away. With renewed energy you run back to the dueling brothers, and grab onto the smuppetman’s sword. You feel it immediately cut your hand, but you’ve had enough, and don’t even give a shit.  
_Zap_  
You thought of the first possible place that somebody would be pacified at. So, you’re standing with an angry man’s sword in your bleeding hand… At Olive Garden. For the first time, you feel like he’s actually looking at you in astonishment, but before he can do anything about it you release your grip and zap away.  
Rose is kneeled beside a battered Dave, and before he can protest she’s got a hand on his shoulder just like you’ve got one on hers. He grumbles an obscenity right before you’re off.  
You zap into the air a couple feet above any surface, and all three of you crash onto John’s bed. And then you hear him scream in surprise, having just started a call with Dave. Right, you had to go back a little bit in the past. Phone-Dave asks something and you get up, slapping the phone out of his hand. Fuck this, you’re tired. Real-Dave looks like he wants to slaughter you. The three are looking at you now, and you sigh.  
JOHN: okay i would really really like to know what the fuck is going on before i go anywhere with you.  
He just…. He needs to trust you. They need to trust you. You’ll explain EVERYTHING at Jade’s. Please.  
He still looks at you with suspicion, and scoffs.  
JOHN: trust you? ha ha. you lied last time about my mail!! that stuff was really, really important to me… my trust in the mail service is practically ruined.  
Aww, no, the mail service is excellent. It’s just, you’re not an official postperson. Just, please. Come with you to Jade’s and if he doesn’t agree after that you’ll take him back (totally a lie) and everything will go back to normal (also a lie). Rose looks at you like she’s reading your guilty mind, but doesn’t say anything.  
JOHN: …...  
JOHN: if you really mean that… i was super excited to play the game. i want you to really be my friend...  
Yes! You are! And you want to help him, and the others, reach their real destinies. This game will make their lives be what they’re meant to be. He looks not-so-thoroughly convinced, and it really hits you how young these kids are to be going through all this (regardless of your help or not). You give him a sympathetic smile, and he hesitantly takes your non-bleeding hand. You lightly touch Rose’s shoulder, and she touches Dave’s, and you set off across the continent in nanoseconds.

And yet, it’s enough time for you to feel so bad. Everyone you’ve ever met (that you can remember) was suffering. Alone, ostracized, endangered… And these kids are just more examples of that. You’re leading them through hoops that will make them suffer even more. And they might hate you forever.  
In that webcomic you read, everything felt so impermanent. It was words on a screen. But you’re flashing through time and space, feeling the boy’s hand in yours and the cloth of Rose’s shirt. Every word pounds through your existence. You are the catalyst to making everything work, and that requires so much suffering from everyone… All so that you can prevent their suffering in the long term. But will you?  
Will you damage the people and trolls that you love so far beyond repair that they’ll be no better off?  
Choices were life and death before, but now it’s not just yours.  
Every life you love is in your hands, and the ones you don’t care for are left to the dust…?  
You’re returning to reality now, the light fading and flashing back into intensity you wouldn't believe. Everything is too much. You’re scared. And it’s up to you! Hooray Friendship!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MSPAR existential crisis ftw


	4. P1 - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I both really like and really hate how this chapter turned out. Hope you guys enjoy it...

When you pop back into existence, it’s a couple seconds before past-you warps away from Jade’s. You make brief eye-contact with yourself, and yeah that’s an experience you never want to have again. You watch as Jade leaps forward trying to grab past-you, yelling “wait”! A few inches too late, and clear your throat politely. She turns so slowly and bewilderedly towards you that it’s almost comical. Almost.  
JADE: jesus!!  
Uh. Hi, again. It’s been a bit. Not for her, like you just said, but a bit for you. She looks ready to sic her dog on you, and you raise your hands in a passive way before looking at each of her new guests. Before you can tell what’s happening, she’s shoved you aside and gotten hold of them all in a giant bear hug. If it weren’t for the stress of the situation, it’d be very heartwarming, but at the moment it just strikes you as a scared kid seeking some kind of comfort. Dave makes an indignant noise, but doesn’t look like he’s having a bad time. You decide to give them all a minute, and shuffle your feet awkwardly to see Bec pop back into the room on Jade’s bed. Quashing a bit of fear, you see Dave looking at the dog as well from over Jade’s shoulder with a grimace. Right, he doesn’t like it or something?  
Said shaded kid is the first to break the embrace, and he looks accusingly at you.  
DAVE: i never really said i wanted to go with you you know  
Yeah, well, you made the decision as the oldest person out of this group that the situation needed to be stopped, and this is a way to do that.  
DAVE: the fuck dude?  
DAVE: how old are you even  
DAVE: it doesnt fucking matter this is still kidnapping and now im trapped on an island with cuckoo and company  
JADE: i have nothing to do with this! can we not argue for a second and just get over with it?? who are you and why can you zorp people wherever you want????  
Sigh…  
ROSE: As much as I’d love to defend you, stranger, since you also seem to know a large detail about our future lives, it’s hard to suspend my disbelief that you, an omniscient being, have our lives alone in top priority.  
SIGH…  
JOHN: can i just say its actually really nice to meet everyone and the best birthday present ever? well, it would be under different circumstances  
SIIIIGH...  
DAVE: i mean actually yeah it is pretty nice not gonna lie  
DAVE: i know yall shared pictures of yourselves but seeing the real deal is way better than i imagined  
DAVE: but uh that might just be because my adrenaline is super high right now from strifing with bro  
LE SIGN…  
ROSE: Hmm, that’s something my mother says often when I talk for too long. More proof that you’re either a master stalker or a straight up demon. Which would be preferable?  
DAVE: hmm demon i think  
DAVE: my bro already kinda watches my every move so  
JOHN: wait, really?  
JADE: GUYS!!!  
You’re sitting on the bed waiting for their talking to subside. You can obviously just take them back in time, but there’s still a substantial amount of stress telling you that the faster this is, the better.  
DAVE: ok ok were done  
This is probably why the webcomic hardly ever had logs with all four of them. It’d be impossible to get literally anything done. Holy shit.  
JOHN: what did you say?  
Never mind.  
You let your shoulders slump a bit, and try to regulate your heart rate. This isn’t a race, this is fine, you have to keep telling yourself. Rose reaches out and runs a comforting hand along your arm, and you resist stiffening at the blatant pale gesture. They don’t know jack shit about that.  
Alright, you guess you should start from the beginning.

You tell a story of a boy and his friends who play a game.  
You tell a creation myth.  
Four friends, and twelve aliens, and four more friends the kids know more than they think.  
A game of gods and ghosts. Time and space. Frogs and dogs and rings and felt.  
Three years of simplicity, and many more that aren’t so simple.  
Meteors. Ships. Snakes and spirals. Candy and meat. Game overs and retcons.  
A game of chess.  
You’re nearly rasping your voice when you end their story, but it’s not enough.

Your name is MSPA Reader. You’ve sat through it all, contemplated stumps and guns and ships and lives lost, all because you wanted to understand. And why was that?  
Scratch. That son of a BITCH. He used you like another pawn to get the other pieces in the right positions. You nearly tear up trying to list all your friends, and how much everyone is suffering. And how you touched a juju meant for John.  
You weren’t supposed to create the narrative. You lost all your memories, because the cruel fate of the world is that you are nothing but a construct of the game. It wasn’t meant for you, but somehow it’s your problem now because Bec put the burden back on you. Well, you think you know why. The first guardian isn’t stupid. Unless you fix this mess, you’ll be dooming the earth (and Jade) to destruction by the reckoning, and he does have his attachments. But now you have the power to re-canonize everything in your own little fucky way. Will it really be canon? You aren’t sure. Your idea of canon was annihilated by the epilogues. But you can fix everything for everyone, and make them all live a happy life. FOR REAL. That includes all your own friends, who are suffering in their own terrible ways, and trolls you’ve only ever read dialogues from. You can hop universes and create a utopia, but only… If these kids will trust you.  
They look at you with a mixture of bewilderment and confusion and sadness. Nobody talks while you rest your voice. Until Dave laughs. You look at him, trying to read him, trying to figure him out. He projects confidence. He projects the idea of what people want from him, and he’s probably scared deep down. So scared.  
DAVE: you really expect me to believe that im a god  
DAVE: im a child from an apartment in texas  
DAVE: nobody  
DAVE: EVER  
DAVE: would choose a sad idiot who stuffs his face at olive garden cause who knows when he’ll have bread next  
He looks angry. Like this is a joke, and you’re an asshole.  
JOHN: dave...  
DAVE: LISTEN  
DAVE: i havent suffered thirteen years trying to make a meager existence for some fucker to tell me im destined to save the world now  
DAVE: you think you can lay a sad story on me and get me to pity you?  
DAVE: i dont know whatever science you got with the teleportation  
DAVE: but you are a lunatic.  
DAVE: a fucking LUNATIC!  
He steps forward and you flinch a little bit, but he just whirls around and paces off into some other room of Jade’s place. You want to go after him, but Rose puts a hand on your shoulder and looks deep into your eyes.  
You know, you know. It’s hard. Nobody understands. Etc. Etc.. You see something in him you never thought you could see, and it hurts your heart a bit. He lashed out at you. At you! Never in the history of anything you’ve read has he ever been so outward.  
ROSE: He’ll come back. I’m sure you understand he’s scared. However it was supposed to happen, it’s passed. That was the way that things could… At least… Start without a hitch.  
Without a hitch, right… You stare at the door he left out of like he’ll sulk back in, but he doesn’t. The other two are just staring between the floor and you. You guess… This is how people are. They can’t be defined by a set of traits. They are situational. Maybe the comic couldn’t convey that well enough.  
He’s in denial. And scared like everyone else. This is not something he’d ever be proposed with, and he’s living through something entirely new. You hate this. You hate how you’re fucking up everything already, and you can’t even retcon this. There’s not anything else you can try.  
JADE: i keep trying to agree with dave but… i can’t  
JADE: i’ve seen so much in my dreams and everything’s gone fuzzy around you  
JADE: it’s like… the clouds can’t figure you out… because you break the rules...  
JADE: does… does it really get as bad as you said? that i date dave and that other guy and it all falls to shit in the end? but the only other option is that i die an awful death and get possessed by a green monster?  
...Yeah. John is looking on the verge of some breaking point, but still hasn’t said anything. He just rests with his head in his hands, and Rose pats his shoulder idly.  
You’re sorry, you’re so, so sorry. You wipe away a few stray tears. Rationally, you know it isn’t your fault. It’s the game, destiny, yadda yadda, but they all look so broken. Your chest aches for them.  
JOHN: why…?  
He curls up a little more, and his voice is muffled.  
JOHN: why us? who got to say we have to live all this awful stuff?  
JOHN: i thought i would have a normal life and maybe become a pianist or an actor… or… does it even matter?  
JOHN: i don’t feel like a god. i just feel… terrified.  
…  
You try and clear your head. You start to speak, and then stop. Just… Give you a second.  
_Zap_  
You stand on the sandy beach once more. Dave is somewhere around here, but you don’t plan on finding him. You stomp towards the water and then wade through it. Shoving your head under is a welcome shock of cold, and when you scream into the salty depths the rumbling silence answers you.  
You come back up only because your weak stupid body needs air, and scream some more at the clouds.  
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck yooooooooooooooooouuuuuu sbuuuuuuuuuuurb.  
A meteor whizzes past while your eyes are trained upwards, like the game’s returning a middle finger to you. Eeeeyup, that’s the one going to Dave’s apartment, isn’t it. It’s time to go back in time to yesterday before shit goes down.  
As you clamber back onto shore and shiver, Dave emerges from the undergrowth with an unreadable expression. You approach each other.  
DAVE: fuck it  
DAVE: let’s just go.  
You take his hand.  
_Zap_  
_Zap_  
Two in quick succession, one to Jade’s room and then one more to… Jade’s room. Well, in the past by about twenty-four hours.  
JADE: whAT THE HELL?!?!  
Past Jade is there, facing down herself and all her friends. Hi, Jade, welcome to sadstucks anonymous.  
Before she can blurt out anything, you shoosh her and start talking.  
Yeah, hello, we’re from the future, blah blah, unimportant. Tomorrow, if John meets a mailman, tell him that he needs to come out right away without being seen through the window in order to get his copy of the game. Okay? Pretend like we’re not even here, we just need to rest for the night. Oh, and also, we might be gathering just… A couple more people, no big deal really. Don’t tell your friends about this, okay? We’ll be out before she plays tomorrow, promise.  
JADE: uhhhhhhhHHH??  
JADE: i mean????? okay??????  
It’ll be like we’re not even here! Really! You’ll just hole up in one of the abandoned rooms!  
You grab the others by the arms and scurry out before she can decide to grab a shotgun.

JADE: how does this retconning stuff… effect the timeline?  
You aren’t exactly sure of the specifics, you say as you slow down into an old dusty room. John very eloquently replies by sneezing. This time’s Jade should be on the right track, though, if she follows your instructions.  
JADE: that’s good, i think… i guess i wouldn’t want to have to like, destroy myself in order to not get destroyed?  
Yeah, the whole “would you kill your clone” stuff is quite the ethical debate. You flop onto the floor like you’ve just been knocked out, and the others sit down awkwardly next to you. This is going to be a loooooong day. But now, you need a nap. A nap, yeah. Before this stuff explodes in your face like a blender without a lid. You suggest the others do the same, because if they don’t sleep well this is going to be even more hellish than it has to be. They nod worriedly, and it isn’t long before you’re dead to the world.


	5. P1 - 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on having four parts to act one, then one part for act two, and three for act three. Because haha homestuck number. But yeah, I think I'm gonna just plan it in a way that'll flow smoother; this would've originally been the start of part two.  
Also, fair warning: John mentions trans people in a questioning way and accidentally uses the wrong pronouns for MSPAR in this one. He's not averse to it, but he obviously doesn't really understand it that well. May come off as a bit abrasive.  
You might be able to read June in in this chapter if you squint, or some little baby ships budding. ;)

JADE:  
JOHN:  
DAVE:  
ROSE:  
ROSE: So.  
ROSE: It’s, um, nice to meet all of you. Wasn’t really expecting it today.  
The four have been ambling about the dusty room like it was the secret to a normal life, and aptly ignoring both each other and the godly humanish thing conked out on the floor for some time. Until Rose said some words in a hushed tone. They each look at her with varying levels of weariness and interest.  
ROSE: ...This is a lot to take in, I think.  
John is leaned against a wall that isn’t plastered with paintings of blue ladies, looking like he’s aged thirty years.  
ROSE: I guess we’re really doing this.  
ROSE: It’s really happening.  
She sits next to Jade on a bed that hasn’t been used in a very, very long time. Somehow, she finds her hand entwined with Jade’s after a few seconds, and she squeezes it reassuringly with a faint blush.  
JADE: i didnt think it was going to go anything like this..  
ROSE: This definitely came out of left field.  
DAVE: you got that fucking right  
Dave’s standing, leaned against a weathered dresser. Although he remains expressionless, there’s a twitch of his lip that betrays… Something. Nerves? Anger? Rose quirks a brow.  
DAVE: this is.. i dunno  
DAVE: i get the whole destiny vibe i really do  
DAVE: and before you get on my ass lalonde yes i know i shouldnt have gotten mad like that at this lil guy  
He slumps a little bit.  
DAVE: im just.. like really? we cant be expected to just totally agree with em  
Said ‘lil guy’ rolls over in their sleep and clutches lightly at the carpet. Rose grabs an old blanket from behind her and tosses it over them, and they flinch for a second before grabbing at it, all while still asleep.  
DAVE: like an alternate version of my bro turns into an evil robot  
DAVE: and just in general seems kinda lame the whole time?  
Rose knows that he thinks highly of his bro, but rolls her eyes regardless. After seeing that strife on the roof, it’s sure he’s got some kind of idea that sword fighting an old man no-holds-barred is a normal activity. Oh, if only she could see the inside of the apartment.  
ROSE: To be fair, I do too apparently.  
ROSE: Well, I would have. In the wise words of MSPA Reader, “Fuck that shit though. You’re gonna absolutely make everything awesome forever and not angsty whatsoever.”  
JOHN: so are we just gonna hang out until he wakes up?  
ROSE: *They. And, well, I guess. They said sleep, but we’re teens made to rebel.  
JOHN: right sorry. i havent met anyone who uses that. anyways, are uh, they gonna tell us a plan?  
JADE: this is gonna sound kinda weird but  
JADE: i can remember past mes memories up until tomorrow a little bit??  
JOHN: what??  
JOHN: why didn’t you tell us before?  
JADE: sorry!! they’re all fuzzy and weird and contradictory! and a lot of aliens are involved, and i was trying to understand it all first...  
DAVE: what do you mean contradictory  
JADE: like, i see one thing, and then i see the exact same thing except something different happens in the end.. its really confusing!  
Ah, poor Jade. She is not the time god, it is not her. Little does she know that the game is already trying to impose its force on her in order not to fuck the timeline, but it’s unable to completely predict anything because of the retcon powers at play, so it lets her see many timelines at once in a best effort. Not the best for a girl who’s already confused. Besides, all of them are overwhelmingly wrong. MSPAR ends up getting to a lot more zapping than the game could possibly account for. The only thing for sure is that Jade doesn’t leave the island and that aliens are involved. She shakes her head clear and holds a little tighter onto Rose’s concerned hand.  
ROSE: Hmm. It might be the infamous time shenanigans that our friend talked at length about. I doubt that the memories will be very helpful if you’re seeing several iterations of them.  
John gets up and goes over to a window, watching the sun slowly set. Dave watches him and frowns.  
DAVE: you doing good egbert  
JOHN: …   
He walks to join John and stands there awkwardly.  
JOHN: i’m okay, i think. just a lot of stuff to think about. i have a son, apparently. or i guess i would have one. with rose’s daughter/mother/son/father? how come she’s… they’re… only trans in some iterations?  
DAVE: wild shit  
DAVE: apparently im gay or bi or whatever  
DAVE: like for real  
DAVE: and i marry jade and fucking jet off into space  
ROSE: Evidently I marry a gay alien vampire and also have a child named after her ex. Either that or fucking abandon her for some reason.  
JADE: i mostly just sound really lonely in the end… that or dead  
They all share a moment of silence for themselves. Or, what they could've been. Or, what they are in another universe currently? This shit’s confusing.  
JADE: hah.. i guess remind me not to get too serious in a relationship with you dave!  
He smiles awkwardly and accepts the joke like a punch to the gut, but laughs along anyways.  
DAVE: my midlife crisis just ruins my chances i think  
JOHN: yeah.. haha...  
JADE: riiight.  
They relapse into silence again, with that attempt at a jumpstart having fallen flat. MSPA (wow that name sucks, they really need a nickname) rolls over again, murmuring something in their sleep, and Jade falls back onto the bed, releasing a little cloud of dust.  
JADE: i never really thought i would meet you guys like this  
JADE: or that we’d all be nervous and sad and in one of my pa’s old gross rooms when it happened  
JADE: but i’m still glad you’re all here!  
JADE: and that our destinies will still get fulfilled somehow  
DAVE: yeah however that’s supposed to go  
JOHN: you guys think… maybe we should get some sleep for whatever’s coming next?  
JADE: yeah i think so.. i am really tired after today..  
DAVE: word  
ROSE: Sounds reasonable. So who gets bed, who gets floor?  
JOHN: how about the girls take the bed? is that a sleepover rule or something?  
ROSE: I’m not even gonna get into that.  
DAVE: im good with sleeping on the floor with my main man egbert  
JOHN: wait wait! shouldn’t the married couple share the bed :B  
JADE: john!!!  
DAVE: dude no  
JOHN: dude. yes. you two should start early so you can work out all the kinks in your relationship!  
DAVE: john for the love of god never say the word kinks again  
ROSE: Why don’t you and I take the floor, Dave? Then it’s siblings with siblings.   
JADE: i dunno i thought that girls taking the bed was a good idea!! are you sure rose?  
ROSE: Once again, no comment.  
The three look at John, since he’s basically the deciding factor at this point. He leans against the windowsill looking rather nervous.  
JADE: it’s okay john! we sleep close together in my dreams anyways! i have already watched you sleep a lot  
JOHN: that’s uh… mildly unsettling to hear from my kinda-sister, not gonna lie..  
DAVE: oh my fucking god lets just all crash on the bed  
ROSE: Hate to burst your bi bubble, but that’s a terrible idea. It’s likely that at least one of us will roll off.  
JADE: not to mention i thrash in my sleep sometimes..  
JOHN: jade, why didn’t you mention this earlier?  
JADE: oh fuck sorry, :(  
JOHN: i have an idea that’s random and fair!  
He procures a deck of cards from his sylladex, and takes out four, shuffling them.  
JOHN: okay, there’s one of each suit here. everyone draws one, and the card you get decides where you are. hearts and spades on the bed, clubs and diamonds on the floor. dave, you go first.  
He picks a card, then Rose, then Jade do. But obviously it was a magic trick and the cards were forced; they each show their cards to each other and Dave hisses. He’s bedded with Harley.  
DAVE: is this the first in a list of many long and stupid pranks that i’m gonna be subjected to egbert  
ROSE: The cards don’t lie, brother mine.  
He tosses his spades card aside. Jade looks mildly offended, but still amused, similarly putting her heart card down.  
DAVE: i hate all of you  
JADE: jeez, i love you too dave!! can you at least act a bit less disappointed  
Rose gathers the cards, her with a diamond and John with a club. She pats Jade consolingly on the shoulder.  
DAVE: fine i hate you less than egbert right now  
JOHN: okay okay calm down. no hating. it’s sleepy time!  
He wiggles his fingers in front of Dave’s affronted face, before grabbing a corner of MSPAR’s blanket and sitting down on the floor. Rose sits next to him.  
ROSE: And now, a lovely night to all of you. I command thee- sleep.  
The respective pairs murmur quietly amongst themselves, and soon they’ll be sleeping fitfully. No matter how much they can joke, everything looms over their heads like a tree they know is about to topple.  
To the beginnings, they are so close, and yet so far.


	6. P2 - 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it begins....
> 
> Again I know it's Tuesday but pretend like this is the Wednesday update 38)
> 
> CW: Animal death mention

ACT 1  
PART 2  
REGROUP

**======> MSPA Reader: Wake up.**  
You do that.  
Wow, that was anticlimactic. “WAKE UP” implies that you like, rise from the floor in all your awesome essence and immediately pirouette through time and space to yoink up your alien buddies and save them from doom. God, you’ve already mentioned so many aspects in passing. How the hell is anyone gonna classpect you? You don't need to worry. You’re pretty sure you’ve got this shit under tight wraps, even though if somebody were narratively controlling you like on Alternia you’d be like, really hard to figure out. But nobody’s doing that, and you’re officially your own pawn, thankthemverymuch. What the fuck were you talking about?  
You sit up slowly, trying not to disturb a sleeping John who’s tangled up in half your blanket. It seems all the kids are asleep. Should you uh, wake them up to tell them your plan? Nah, they’ve heard you babble enough for one day. Jade snores rather loudly and rolls over, nearly slapping Dave in the face on the bed. She hits his neck instead, and he jolts upright immediately, red eyes boring into from across the room. God damnit. He shoves his shades on his face in a blink and stares flat-faced at you. Why did he wake up so suddenly? Was he even asleep?  
DAVE: oh it was just harley  
DAVE: so where are you going  
Rose shifts as well, purple eyes peering up at you from where she’s slumped against a wall neatly. Well, it’s Strilonde time you fucking guess. The other two seem to stay soundly asleep.  
You explain that you were going to formulate an all-inclusive plan so that you don’t accidentally fuck everything up, and then go collect the beta trolls and alpha kids. They nod. When you get up and gesture for them to leave the room with you, they do.  
Now that you’re not so afraid of waking up the others, you talk with them down the hall, trying to formulate all you have to do into words. It’s the trolls first, and that’s final; it’d be better to just get all the violence over with first. You suspect that getting the alpha kids to come with you will be at least a little easier, but Jane and Jake might be a bit troublesome. You’ll work everyone through the full plan once they’re all congregated, at the very least to save your vocal chords some pain. Then, after everyone’s clear, you’ll go get your other troll friends. Although this is all going to happen tonight for the kids, it’s going to take a long, long time for you.  
DAVE: why not just get all the aliens at once  
Well, you say, that’s a lot harder than it sounds. You’re still not that great with your zappy powers when it comes to fine detailing time jumps, and your friends are from an earlier iteration of Alternia than the beta trolls are. As well as that, you think that some of your friends and the betas might end up fucking slaughtering each other if they get together. Especially Gamzee and Eridan. You shudder. Karkat would probably get worshipped by Tyzias and attacked by a couple purists. It’d be a fucking terrifying time to be on an island in the middle of the pacific.  
Dave shrugs and looks more confused than when he had first asked, but doesn’t ask anything else.  
Anyways, you plan is that once everyone is completely together, you’ll spend a while finding settlements for all the trolls and others that need a place to play their game. Then, you’ll zap the kids here back into their own correct places and times to prevent weird time problems with past-Jade (who’s not-so secretly tailing the three of you). The kids will still have to play the game themselves and scratch their session, so that the alpha kids will be created. All the trolls, ALL of them, will be playing their own session. The alpha trolls still created the beta trolls, but the others will have to be paradox cloned… You trail off. The rest of the minute details probably don’t matter to them. Anyways, you’re still wondering on one thing that might change this whole plan...  
ROSE: That sounds incredibly complicated for you to organize. How many aliens is that? Convincing these three to play the game was a stroke of luck.  
Oh, playing the game itself is probably going to be way worse. You’re going to have to manage three seperate games (since the alpha kids are gonna be in on this too) in three separate universes, dealing with whatever stupid problems arise. You foresee yourself doing a lot of auspisticism and retconning.  
ROSE: A lot of… What?  
Oh, you didn’t explain quadrants. That’s for them to figure out through exploration and lots of pesterlogs. But… Think of mediation between two angry parties. Basically that… Kind of.  
DAVE: maybe im missing something here but  
DAVE: why do you have to go get all your friends if theyre gonna be off their teen planet before the meteors anyways  
Oh. Well. The thing is, they’re not only condemned to a terrible life no matter what, but even if they do live past the reckoning, as soon as Feferi’s lusus dies or is distressed it releases a Vast Glub that will kill every troll in the universe.  
DAVE: o-oh  
DAVE: seems like those guys are all about death huh  
You huff. He doesn’t even know the half of it. Most of it is that awful cue-ball Scratch’s fault. Speaking of, you’re going to have to beat the shit out of him to feel better about yourself sooner or later. Retcon powers are probably more powerful than green sun powers, right? But he can actively control the narrative, whereas you cannot. Was that another classpecting hint? You don’t know and you don’t give a shit. Somebody probably does and is agonizing over it right now, but you are not. Because you will learn everything you need to in due time, probably.  
Oh, wait. You hadn’t considered-- as soon as you step onto Scratch’s playing field again, the jig’s up. He can’t narratively do anything to you here, but Alternia… You’ll just have to beat the shit out of him first, you decide. Or, wait…. Heheheheh. A sly smile crosses your face. The other two are looking at you strangely, but you ignore them and scamper off. They disperse to find some food in this large house, or possibly wake the others.

Not long after you find the four kids sitting at a decrepit table eating some cereal. At first it doesn’t strike you as odd, it’s evening after all- wait, it’s evening and they’re eating cereal? Are you a bad babysitter?  
JOHN: hi mspa reader!  
DAVE: um is there something else we should call em thats such a stupid name  
JADE: wait uh.. how about just reader?  
You shrug. Reader fits you fine. Hey, it’s even a valid troll name! Reader OfMSPA. Great.  
You sit down and launch into a mini-explanation of your plan for the two that missed it, and add a few things extra that you thought about while you were off scheming. Once they’re all finished, you take them to see you off on the beach, and say that you’ll be back in mere seconds with the beta trolls.  
After some fairly warm goodbyes, you hug each of them. If you’re more than thirty seconds, you failed, and they’ll have to stow away with past-Jade here on this island if they wanna survive. You hope it doesn’t come to that.

And you’re off.  
This is the start, isn’t it? The first part of your grand adventure of great suffering and hijinks? Or is it the second part? You don’t know. It’s not like anybody’s chronicling your adventure for the other Readers of the world to see, that’d be stupid.  
You set foot into a green room. You fucking hate this place, but you’ve got a god damn score to settle. You see past-you fuming over a computer screen and step closer before they turn around with an angry expression, thinking it’s Doc. Oh, it’s you, you say. They say that, not current you- fucking god damn it you’re not here for them anyways. Some clattering noises jolt your thought process back into the present-past. Ahh yes, the men of the hour! 

Hussie is bashing the shit out of Doc with a broom, and you zap over with a diplomatic look. You, reader, and he, writer, share a tender moment- you reach out and touch his arm, an awed expression on your face--  
_Zap._  
Yeah, that’s right. You’re not awed by anything anymore, and this weirdo is needed elsewhere.  
What the fuck?  
You zap through time and space with who’s basically the one true god, but you don’t even care anymore. He created you, so you’re his problem.  
Here, a different point in time! You explain neatly to him that he needs to incapacitate Doc Scratch, but for FUCK’S SAKE, DON’T KILL HIM.  
I’m the author! I can do what I want, dammit! Besides, we can’t move on if LE isn’t created.  
Ohoho yes we can, and yes we shall. Turn Scratch into a wiggly puppet, and hit him with a chair for you. But you’re taking the reigns now, so you tell Huss he can just sit back and read instead, for once. Instead of writing or whatever, become an eboy or something. You’re sure he can figure out what to do with himself.  
Wh… What?  
He’ll get it eventually, you say. Now he needs to do his thing or you’ll zap him to someplace a bit more hostile.  
You know what? Whatever. I always knew my work would get out of my hands someday. I just figured it would be bought by Disney or something, not that it’d happen like this.  
Deal with it, you reply, winking at him before taking a deep breath and zapping off again.

You really hope he does deal with it as you’re warping once again through the void. It’s starting to become a nice little time for you to think things through, but you really wish there was elevator music or something. It’s kind of a timeless thing, so it feels like you have infinity but also nothing at all, depending on your current outlook.  
You step onto the gritty beach of Alternia’s shore. Things look a lot more sparse than you remember from your life, but you suppose that’s to do with the jump in time. It’s probably been a couple Heiresses between Trizza and Feferi. Speaking of Feferi… A young girl clambers out of the water, long waterproof hair instantly drying. You don’t know too much about seadwellers, but seeing them in person still incites a pit of fear in your core after the incident with Karako. And this is a fuschia, no less!  
FEFERI: S)(ello! W)(o are you?  
Oh god oh god uhhhhhh. Your hood is still over your head, thank god, so she can’t see you’re hornless. Nothing to do about your pale skin, though.  
FEFERI: U)(? I’ve never sean a Scorist look so pale!! Are you SICK?? Glub 380  
Fuck, okay, she’s either really stupid or just being nice. Probably the latter, based on what little you’ve seen of her. She seemed rather tolerant of other bloodcastes, right? And she mentioned the sign on your hoodie… She’s slowly furrowing her brow as you continue to think to yourself.  
FEFERI: Could you ANSW-ER me please? I’m worried now! Are you… A mutant? O)( no don’t look scared!!! I would love to cull you if so!  
Trying to process the copious amounts of fear coursing through your stupid red veins, you swallow. Well…. Technically… You’re not a mutant… By your own species’s standards.  
FEFERI: Are you trying to say…. YOU’R-E AN ALI-EN?? W)(OA!!! GLUB GLUB!!  
Oh god. You can’t be stuck giving yourself more information about yourself, especially with what you’re planning to do here. You already teleported about half a mile away from where you needed to go… Shit shit shit she’s pointing her trident at you--  
FEFERI: Well I just N-----E-----ED to cull you now!!!  
You brace yourself to zap away if you need to, and the trident slowly prods your neck gently. What is she doing?  
FEFERI: I can’t B-----ELI-----EV-----E it!! A seal ALI----EN has come to visit me! )(ave we conquered your planet yet, or are you a traveler?  
She leans closer and pulls your hood down, closely examining your weird spherical head. A beat of sweat rolls down your face.  
No, well, uhh, this is going to sound strange, but… You’re here to collect a few trolls? And, well… You’d rather not talk about it really. You’ve got somewhere to be! You can chatlaterokaybye!  
You zap away with no more waiting and you can barely see Feferi recoil slightly in shock, and when everything’s back you’re underwater. Okay, yeah. Phew. You can’t breathe, but this is where you need to be. It’s very dark and the pressure’s immense, and a few bubbles escape your nostrils as you adjust to the huge change. A large thing to your left shifts and you feel its eyes on you.  
Shello, Gl’bgolyb.  
You can barely see its giant white mouth drift open to scream before you clutch one of its tentacles for dear life and zap away once more.

Space is yet another shock on your body, and it’s nearly enough for you to try and draw a gasp on reflex. The massive creature you’ve dragged along with you lets out a massive screech and you can feel everything start to go fuzzy as it dies without its water, yourself similarly asphyxiating. Oh, the things you do for your friends!  
You teleported to the alpha universe, where the alpha kids are probably going about their lives unaware of the massive thing that would have otherwise wiped out all the trolls in the universe where Alternia resides. Fuck the Condesce and her earth colonization attempts. She can go eat rocks. With your body going numb you have no choice but to leave the creature before she dies fully and releases her Vast Glub on a mostly troll-less universe. It’s better than fully destroying an entire race.  
_Zap._  
You collapse to the ground, an unfamiliar surrounding. Well, vaguely familiar. It’s some place on Alternia from the comic. You can’t do anything but feel yourself fading away into unconsciousness, aware of murmuring sounds coming from around you. There must be somebody who just saw you pop in here, you think pleasantly, before you succumb to blackness.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?  



	7. P2 - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, here's a Wednesday chapter too :P  
If there's ever a break in paragraphs longer than one line, make sure to highlight for a bit of extra context! :>

cuttlefishCuller [CC]has opened memo on board FIS)(NAPPING!!!  
CC: Guys!! Glub glub glub glub!! I’m FR---EAKING OUT!!!  
CC: MY LUSUS IS MISSING!!!!!  
CC: THIS IS AN --------EM-------ERG------ENCY!!!!  
CC: What if s)(e gets scared and glubs too loud??!??!?! GLUB GLUBGLUB!!!  
caligulasAquarium [CA] responded to memo.  
CA: wwhat? fef?  
CC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)(!!! I need to find her NOW!!  
CA: fef! you need to calm down and fuckin explain this first!  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.  
CG: YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR DEMONIC HORROR CAPABLE OF MASS MURDERING EVERY TROLL IN THE UNIVERSE? JUST POOF, VANISHED??  
CC: Y------ES! I was going to cull somebody and t)(en t)(ey teleported or somet)(ing!! And I went back to my )(ive and s)(e’s GON---E!  
centaursTesticle [CT] responded to memo.  
arsenicCatnip [AC] responded to memo.  
AC: :33 < what’s going on? tasty fish and napping?  
CT: D → Do not be f001ish, Nepeta   
CT: D → Please read up on the memo  
CT: D → You say that your culltarget  
CT: D → Teleported  
AC: 33: < that s33ms unlikely  
AC: 33: < are you f33ling okay feferi?  
CA: leavve that line of questioning to the moirail here  
CA: are you unwwell fef?  
CC: I AM NOW T)(AT GL’YBGOLYB IS MISSING!!!!!  
CG: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP EXCEPT FEFERI. WE NEED AN EXPLANATION.  
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.  
adiosToreador [AT] responded to memo.  
AG: What are we 8itching a8out here????????  
AT: uHH,,  
AC: :33 < feferi can’t find her lusus  
AT: lIKE,, THE LUSUS, THAT IS CAPABLE OF,  
AT: iMMEDIATELY, KILLING US ALL, LOWBLOODS FIRST,,?  
CC: It’s not t)(at I just CAN’T FIND )(-----ER! S)(e’s massive and un)(idable! S)(e’s just GON---E!  
CG: OKAY HOLD ON I NEED TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING, I JUST FOUND AN IDIOT OUTSIDE AT SUNRISE AND THEY’RE WAKING UP. ALSO SOAKING WET FOR SOME REASON.  
CC: Wait… Are they wearing a blue sign???  
CC: Karkat??? S)(ello?  
AG: What’s wrong with 8lue signs????????  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo.  
GC: TH1S CH4T T4ST3S L1K3 CONFUS1ON  
AG: Yeeeeeeeep. I have no idea what the fuck is going on.  
You stir, a painful headache deep in your temples. What the fuck happened? Where are you-?  
Oh fuck. A suspicious, angry Karkat is boring his yellow eyes into your circular nondescript-colored ones, only inches away. Your senses kicking back in, you sit up and scramble backwards a bit. He’s got a palmhusk clutched in one hand and a sickle in the other, looking at you with curious gruffness. H-Hello?  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF DEFORMED LUSUS?  
Okay, ouch. Do you really look like parent material? His palmhusk chitters angrily the longer he doesn’t check it, and you look at him sheepishly. Should you zap yourself outta here and start somewhere else? That might only make him more pissed off. Hmm, it would probably be the best idea to recruit the friendleader first.  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MUMBLING ABOUT?  
God damnit, why do you have no filter?? You shrug and stare more plaintively at his phone, which is wiggling under his tight grasp. Gonna answer that?  
KARKAT: ARE YOU PANDEAD? I JUST HAD TO SAVE YOUR SORRY SKIN FROM BEING FRIED. IF YOU EVEN TRY SOME SHIT THE SICKLE’S IN YOUR WIND TUBES. WHAT. ARE. YOU.  
You sigh. An alien. It’s time to buckle down and realize you’re going to be re-explaining things a lot. He just scoffs.  
KARKAT: YEAH RIGHT. THERE’S NO LOGICAL WAY THAT YOU’VE DECIDED TO TAKE A LITTLE JAUNT AROUND OUR VERY FRIENDLY PLANET. OF COURSE, YOU DON’T STRIKE ME AS THE LOGICAL TYPE.  
KARKAT: IF YOU WERE AN ALIEN, THEN IT’D DECIDEDLY BE MY JOB TO CULL YOU, AS A THRESHECUTIONER IN TRAINING. YOU’RE LUCKY I’M FEELING LAZY ENOUGH NOT TO WANT TO CLEAN BLUE BLOOD OFF MY WALLS.  
You roll your eyes. Can we skip the trash talking? You’re literally just sitting here nursing a headache. He huffs and looks down at his palmhusk for a bit. You guess he decided you’re too harmless and friend-shaped to try anything.

CC: Is it an alien?? KARKAT PL-EAS-E this is IMPORTANT.  
grimAuxillatrix [GA] responded to memo.  
GA: Why Have You Not Yet Called The Drones  
GA: I Took The Liberty Of Reading The Memo Thus Far Unlike Some Others Before You Ask  
AG: Is that supposed to 8e aimed at me?  
AG: Everyone here acts like a little crywiggler so it’s waaaaaaaay easier to just get a short version. >::::(  
CC: I can’t call the drones!! If too many trolls find out aboat this )(IC will find out and try to assassinate me again!!! And my lusus isn’t )(ere to protect me!  
CT: D → Ah  
CT: D → So this is an e%tremely secret matter  
terminallyCapricious [TC] responded to memo.  
TC: sOmEbOdY uP aNd StOlE yOuR lUsUs FiShSiS? tHaT’s AlL tYpeS a FuCkEd Up. :O(  
CC: I’m reelly worried!! If anyt)(ing )(appens to )(er she could start )(urting trolls… and S)(---E could get )(urt wit)(out me! 38(  
KARKAT: WAIT, HOLD UP. DID YOU ASK IF IT’S AN ALIEN?  
twinArmageddons [TA] responded to memo.  
TA: why the fuck ha2 my palmhu2k been blowiing up for the la2t twenty minute2?! ii’m doiing really iimportant codiing riight now!!  
CC: Y---ES! Do you know w)(o t)(ey are, Karkat?  
GA: Please Read The Memo Sollux I Assure You This Is More Important  
Karkat looks up from his palmhusk and squints at you.  
CG: IT CLAIMS TO BE, YES. IT IS HORNLESS AND HAS PALE SKIN, BUT A SIGN, AND AGAIN, IT’S SOAKING WET… AM I BEING FUCKED WITH?  
CC: DON’T LET T)(------EM GO ANYW)(-------ER-------E! W)(----ER----E DO YOU LIV----E?!  
CG: WOAH, WOAH! CALM THE FUCK DOWN! I’M NOT GOING TO TROUNCE ABOUT GIVING OUT MY ADDRESS!  
CA: fuckin tellin my moirail to calm down… fuck off  
CG: OH, SHUT UP ERIDAN! TELL ME WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT FIRST!  
CC: T)(----EY CAN T-----EL-----EPORT!! AND YOU SAID TH-EY’R-E W---ET!!! AND T)(----EY W-ER-E ACTING W----EIRD WH-EN I TRI-ED TO B-E NIC----E!!! Glub.  
CG: HOLY. FUCK. I’M MESSAGING YOU MY ADDRESS.  
Blissfully unaware of the conversation subject (but suspicious that it could be about a certain missing lusus) you start to stand, still leaning against the wall, and Karkat slowly looks more worked up before he looks up at you with a veiled expression of bewilderment.  
You open your mouth to speak and he’s on you, pinning you to the ground. You scream and try to wriggle away. What the fuck did you do??? However, him still being much stronger than the average human, and you being far from average in your frailty, you are quickly stuck to the ground with a sickle curving around your neck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.  
In a burst of adrenaline you and he zap through a few random locations until he presses a little harder down with the blade.  
KARKAT: TAKE US BACK RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE DONE FOR.  
You gulp and oblige, and he stays sitting on top of you in case you try to teleport again.  
KARKAT: IF YOU EVEN LOOK SUSPISCIOUS FOR A FUCKING SECOND, YOU’LL BE GONE.  
You fucked up real bad.  
DOC SCRATCH: Wait, what are you doing this early in the timeline?  
DOC SCRATCH: OW  
DOC SCRATCH: FUCK  
DOC SCRATCH: STOP IT  
Elsewhere, a man sits on a plush green velvet chair. A weird thing that looks like a man with a cue-ball head is limp on the ground.  
Honestly, what the fuck am I reading here? I gave up for THIS? Jesus, I’m not even gonna keep reading. Might as well go hide some Toblerones in the wilderness, that’d be more exciting than watching this go to hell.  
He gets up and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader's like "bro I am just. i am just sitting here bro"  
Aradia's gone and ghosted off somewhere she'll show up later  
Pesterlogs are hard.  
So how about those pesterquest routes we got today, huh??? I loved em!


	8. P2 - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No updates between last Wed and this one, so instead this chapter is extra long :>

CC: I’m on my way Karkat! It s)(hoaldn’t be long!  
CG: OKAY. I’M PRETTY SURE THIS GUY’S TOO WEAK TO ACTUALLY ESCAPE, BUT STILL HURRY.  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] left memo.  
CA: wwait, i’m coming wwith you fef  
CG: LIKE HELL YOU AREN'T. I DON’T NEED MORE HIGHBLOODS AT MY HIVE.  
You shift uncomfortably under Karkat, him still sitting on you. Well, you’re not going to zap out of this one just yet, so you might as well wait it out. He’s not exactly making this cozy though, and you say as much.  
KARKAT: I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE AN ALIEN. EVEN LESS SO IF YOU’RE ONE CAPABLE OF MAKING OFF WITH GIANT FISH BEASTS.  
You don’t say anything at that. Might as well not incriminate yourself even more. You just sigh shallowly, careful of the sickle at your throat. Well, this is stupid. Karkat scrolls uninterestedly through what you assume is a group chat.  
CA: so wwhat then? i’m just supposed to swwim here an wworry about my moirail?  
CG: YES.  
CG: AND STOP GUSHING ABOUT HOW PALE YOU ARE FOR HER. IT’S DISGUSTING.  
AC: :33 < honestly doesn’t read like you’re pale fur her at all! you act so protective  
CT: D → Nepeta  
CA: i don’t!!! shut up!!  
AC: :33 < just saying h33 h33  
AC: :33 < *ac tilts her head questioningly* yes equihiss?  
CT: D → Refrain from bothering the highb100d about his vacillation  
CA: STOP TALKIN. I WWILL END ALL A YOU  
AG: Waaaaaaaait, are you swinging red? It can’t 8e 8lack, you’re o8viously not over me.  
GC: W41T, C4N W3 GO B4CK TO TH3 P4RT 4BOUT F3F3R1’S LUSUS B31NG M1SS1NG?  
CG: AS ABSOLUTELY THRILLING IT IS TO WATCH EVERYONE GET INVOLVED IN ERIDAN’S LOVE LIFE, THERE’S A LOT MORE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT RIGHT NOW, GUYS.  
AG: Really though???????? I mean, we all die any second or we don’t. Might as well talk a8out whatever.  
AG: Hah! I can’t 8elieve Eridan’s trying to make something out of that. Pale-red flips never work out, 8asically everyone knows that.   
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
GA: Yes Lets Go Back To Talking About The Really Big Problem Here  
TC: hEy KaRkAt  
CG: ERM, YES?  
TC: yOu SaId YoU gOt ThE lItTlE tHiEvInG bItCh?  
CG: ...YES GAMZEE. WHAT ABOUT IT. AND I GUESS WE DON’T REALLY KNOW FOR SURE IT WAS THEM. BUT THEY’RE THE MOST LIKELY CANDIDATE.  
TC: iF yOu NeEd A sUbJuGgLaToR i CaN bE iT mOtHeRfUcKeR. hOnK  
CG: EVERYTHING’S UNDER CONTROL. EVERYONE STOP OFFERING TO COME TO MY HIVE, THE ANSWER WILL KEEP BEING NO.  
TC: hIt Me Up WhEn YoU nEeD tHe AlIeN tRaSh TaKeN oUt :O)  
CG: RIGHT. UH, NOTED.  
TA: waiit  
TA: am ii really reading thii2 2hiit??  
TA: how the fuck diid ff lo2e a whole a22 lu2u2??  
apocalypseArisen [AA] responded to memo.  
AA: hell0  
GA: The Gangs Finally All Here  
AC: :33 < hi aradia!!!  
AC: :33 < its b33n so long since we last meowed with eachother!  
AA: yes  
AA: n0t since i died  
AA: this is n0t supp0sed to be happening  
AG: Well, duh! Gly’8goly8 vanishing isn’t a good start to anyone’s night.  
AA: i mean the timeline has been changed  
AA: but for whatever reas0n it is n0t d00med yet  
AT: i dON’T,,, REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN,  
AA: y0u w0uldn’t  
AA: y0u aren’t me  
AT: uUHHH,,  
AG: Ever since you died you’ve 8een un8eara8le, Aradia.  
GA: And Whose Fault Is That Vriska  
Karkat snickers at his palmhusk, and you flinch slightly at the noise after a few minutes of silence. He can’t seem to do anything quietly. The laugh was more like a hissing sneeze. Your eyes widen as you realize that the movement left a cut where the sharp sickle is rested against your neck. He looks down uninterestedly until he sees the blood that rolls down the side of your neck.  
KARKAT: _WHAT THE FUCK_  
He scrambles back, checking his hands. He must have thought you cut him somehow? He stumbles off of you and stands up, towering over you where you’re laying on the floor still. Then, noticing the slice on your neck (which, wow, that hurts) his breath catches.  
KARKAT: YOU… YOU’RE A MUTANT?  
He starts to back away, but seems to realize you’d be able to escape if he isn’t touching you, so grabs one of your wrists with a trembling hand and yanks you to your feet.  
Fuck, right, he’s a mutant as well… What would be the best thing to do here? If you tell him that you know his secret, he might take it as a threat, but if not he might just kill you. Or Feferi can conveniently show up right now.  
Oh god damnit.

The front door slams and before you know what’s happening...  
FEFERI: A)()()()()()()()()()(  
A troll girl slams into you and knocks you to the floor. Angry screeching from Karkat’s lusus is heard upstairs. Her trident slams into the floor around your neck, going straight through the concrete and keeping you trapped between two of the prongs. What’s up with people and your neck today? You squeak and accept coming death.  
FEFERI: You N----E----ED to tell me RIGHT NOW w)(ere my lusus is!!!  
You wheeze in panic as the trident’s base presses against your neck, lightly choking you, and try to cry out. She pulls the weapon up slightly so you can breathe, and Karkat’s lusus screeches again, somewhere closer now. You splutter and cough, and she looks at you with some kind of frenzy.  
FEFERI: I KNOW you )(ad somet)(ing to do wit)( it! So START TALKING!!!  
You hear the skitter of crablike feet and turn your head sideways as much as you can, a small pool of blood beside you. Karkat’s lusus tips its head, sees your blood, and rushes at Feferi- maybe it thinks she hurt Karkat? She yelps and scrambles back faced by the old crab geezer, and you remain pinned under her trident and breathing heavily.  
KARKAT: CRABDAD *STOP!!!!!!*  
Wow, this is going to shit really quickly. And you’re losing a substantial amount of blood, even though the cut’s shallow. You can’t turn your head enough to see what’s happening, but it’s a pretty loud scuffle. Karkat’s shrieking, and you hear thumps on the floor. What the fuck? She better not kill Crabdad yet, because you know she is very capable. Regaining some semblance of cognizance of the situation, you zap in between them, managing you put both your hands out between the lusus and Feferi before you double over, seeing spots. You can tell them everything if everyone just calms down, you say. The situation is oddly familiar aside from the blood rushing from your neck. Oh, and also you’d like some medical attention. She looks at you with wide eyes. The lusus, seeing that you’re the one bleeding, skitters back a couple paces making a light clicking noise at you. Karkat keeps staring at your blood like he’s never seen the color before. Your legs buckle and you crash back down on the grey concrete, Feferi following you down to make sure you don’t hit your head. Wow, even when she’s mad she so thoughtful, you think numbly.  
FEFERI: You )(AV---E to know somet)(ing aboat my lusus.  
You nod weakly, and she quirks a brow, and you cough out a few things. What you did is going to sound strange but you, um, well. She’s dead. No beating around the bush on this one.  
FEFERI: W)(... W)(at?  
Her eyes are wide, and Karkat scowls.  
KARKAT: THAT’S NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE. THERE’S NO WAY YOUR WEAK MUTANT ASS COULD POSSIBLY KILL A GIANT HORRORBEAST. IF SO, WE’D ALL BE MEGA-FUCKING-DEAD RIGHT NOW.  
You smile weakly. Teleported her to a different universe, you say. You’re really sorry… But it had to be done. Feferi looks astonished.  
FEFERI: T)(at’s not… You can’t… But I-  
You wave her off. Ah, yeah, you can’t but you did.  
FEFERI: Assuming you’re not lying… W)(y?  
Well. They see, they’re all slated to play a game. But you’ve got other trolls around to protect out there, and… It’s, uh. Kind of a long story. They’re gonna have to trust you on this one, because there’s not any way you’re going to be able to wheeze out the whole thing without fucking dying halfway through.  
KARKAT: (HOW DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THE GAME?)  
FEFERI: (I don’t know!! T)(at’s between our friends only!)  
They whisper to each other, but you can hear it, barely. You wonder if they actually believe you, because they both look really skeptical. Your knowing about SGRUB probably helps your case though.  
KARKAT: I’M GOING TO GO GET THE MEDICULLER KIT. FEFERI, MAKE SURE THEY DON’T DIE, BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I WANT MORE ANSWERS THAN THAT.  
She nods, and you let out a shaky breath. You can notice she doesn’t even bother to keep a hold on you, because if you teleport anywhere without getting fixed up you’ll probably die anyways. Unless Jade has something on her island? You really, really doubt they’ll be able to help with this much bloodloss, though.  
Shit you were talking out loud again. Feferi looks at you like you’re a lunatic. At this point, maybe you fucking are. Karkat returns with a nondescript white box, and opens it, pulling out some stuff. You can’t even focus while he stops the bloodflow and bandages the wound. He keeps silent as he stares at your blood color, trying not to lose his cool. There’s blood all over your back from where you fell down into a puddle of it, but you refuse to take your hoodie off. After a couple minutes of ruminating in your own stupidity, Karkat speaks up (more like yells at you) again.  
KARKAT: HOW DO WE KNOW YOU HAVEN’T JUST STOLEN THE LUSUS? BECAUSE I FIND IT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT SHE’S DEAD AND WE ARE NOT.  
You sigh. Would stealing her be any smarter? She has the capability of glubbing whenever she wants, and getting kidnapped doesn’t really make for a happy fishy. Besides, you’d be here and not taking care of her. He looks even more grumpy, like you upset him by being right.  
FEFERI: I… Is s)(e… I mean… I always kind of fis)(ed she wasn’t suc)( a burden, but… I really, really loved )(er.  
Again, you’re really sorry. You huff. Why is this so hard? You try to be clinical about it, but fuck. You basically just killed this kid’s mom, because otherwise your friends would die? It’s quantifiable, but at the same time you feel like a major asshole with her right in front of you. She looks like she’s physically wilted, and her fins flop down a bit.  
FEFERI: I sea w)(y you had to, I guess...  
You try to shake off the guilt. The lusus would have died anyways when she entered the medium! In the long run you are saving an entire race!! It’s still hard to see the disappointment in her eyes. Fuck, this situation is awkward and Karkat is looking like he wants to abscond his own hive. Pushing forward, you say you need them to come with you.  
KARKAT: YOU. AS IN A WEIRD ALIEN ZAPPY GOD.  
You chuckle. This again. You’re probably going to have to go through this a lot. Yes. You know about their game, and their teams, and they all need to meet with you and a few other friends who are playing the same game. And you’ll be working through it all with them, in order to avoid many, many unfortunate happenings.  
FEFERI: S)(ore.  
Okay, okay, you thought there would be some pushback- wait, what?  
FEFERI: If I’m not tied to Gl'bgolyb anymore, w)(y not?  
She looks horribly sullen, but she’s agreeing with you, so yay?  
KARKAT: FEFERI, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK WITH ERIDAN ABOUT ALL THIS?  
You shrug. You’re going to be collecting everyone, so they can talk in person soon if she wants. Your heart wrenches your knowing what a terrible moirallegiance she has with him. Tsk, tsk, you shake your head. That’s for them to resolve.  
KARKAT: HE’S NOT GOING TO BE NEARLY AS EASY TO CONVINCE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU KILLED FEFERI’S LUSUS.  
Ah, you were kind of hoping to skim over that and tell them about it when they were all assembled together.  
KARKAT: TOO LATE FOR THAT.  
He’s holding his palmhusk in one hand, and you deflate. Fuck. This is going to be really really hard, then, unless you go back in time. And you’d… Rather not. They all need to be on the same page. The offending palmhusk is blowing up with vibrations and chitters, probably the group chat going wild. Feferi shrugs.  
FEFERI: Come on, Carpkat, you s)(oald know better than me that we need )(elp playing t)(is game… Sollux and Aradia keep warning us about it, and getting everyone ready is reely )(ard...  
KARKAT: SIIIIIGH. FUCK. ONLY BECAUSE I DON’T WANT YOU BEING A SAD SACK ALONE.  
He looks defeated, and scrolls through his palmhusk again, angrily jabbing at the keyboard.  
AG: Karkat???????? What the fuck???????? Gl'8Goly8 can’t be dead!  
TC: kArBrO cAn YoU cOmE bAcK aNd TeLl Us WhAtS gOiN oN mOtHeRfUcKeR?  
AT: i dON’T,, THINK THAT IT’S POSSIBLE FOR, uS TO ALL BE NOT DEAD RIGHT NOW,,, iF FEFERI’S LUSUS IS,, dEAD,,?  
CA: please say sike right noww  
TA: thii2 better be a fuckiing joke karkat  
CG: ME AND FEFERI ARE GOING WITH THE ALIEN. I SUGGEST YOU ALL DO THE SAME. SEE YOU SOON, HOPEFULLY.  
GA: What  
AG: What????????  
CA: noww you havve to be jokin! fef wwould’nt followw a killer!  
CG: ASIDE FROM YOU.  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL?  
AT: wHERE, ARE YOU GOING,, eXACTLY,?  
CG: I’LL FIND OUT WHEN I GET THERE.  
AC: 33: < karkitty, why are you going with them??  
CT: D → This is STRONGly advised against  
AA: it is n0t supp0sed to g0 this way  
TA: what the fuck iis happeniing??  
AA: and yet we are still n0t doomed  
AA: 0_0  
CG: THIS CHAT IS RIDICULOUS. SEEYA, FUCKERS.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo.  
He sighs and you sit up, head reeling, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. Ready?  
FEFERI: I guess...  
KARKAT: YEAH, WHATEVER. IF THINGS LOOK SHIFTY THIS SICKLE’S GOING STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR SKULL.  
Noted. 

_Zap_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that writing pesterlogs sucks? Good thing that I won't be needing to write many of those. Hah. Hahaha. *sobs*  
Can't wait to get the friendsim babies in but that's a while out still, also extremely scared of the prospect of writing fourty-fifty characters all in the same room and/or on memos. Writing twelve is hell enough ;_;  
Also, I'm accepting suggestions for trollian handles for each friendsim troll! They don't need to follow the acgt format. Also talk at me about classpecting!! I am still writing up everyone's classes and will happily gush about it and accept suggestions.


	9. P2 - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, with a CHOICE to make.

You zap off Alternia, two trolls in tow, and let your muscles relax a little bit. You haven’t died YET… Speeding through time and space has never been so relaxing. The two beside you haven’t got any sort of expression on their face. Maybe this little grace period is only accessible by you? It’s nice and terrible at the same time. You have all this trip to think about how terrible you probably are. But, hey, this way Feferi won’t die in the end, you reason. Well. Technically you haven’t dealt with the Eridan situation yet. Eventually. But yeah, you’re going to make everything better, at least a little bit. You can feel the scraps of reality wrapping back into place, and are aware of the sand gritting beneath your feet. Karkat yelps a little bit and throws up a hand over his and Feferi’s eyes.  
What is he doing?  
KARKAT: THE SUN! OUR EYES!!!  
Jade and crew stumble back after your glorious entry and Karkat screaming, but Dave holds his position and stares, bewildered at the two aliens. No, you explain, shaking at his shoulders. The sun on this planet is safe! Feferi removes Karkat’s arm from her face, and takes a few steps back, observing the kids and glancing at the ocean.  
FEFERI: I’m not s)(ore w)(at I was expecting? But t)(is is… Not bad!  
JADE: did you just say shore? hehehe!  
Feferi widens her eyes and gives a toothy grin, and the two shake hands.  
Alright, everything good here? No killing each other for the foreseeable couple seconds, okay?  
DAVE: no promises  
DAVE: shouty gives me the creeps  
KARKAT: I DIDN’T ASK TO MEET ANY STRANGERS WITH IDIOT OPINIONS TODAY.  
You chuckle. Rest assured, it won’t be long before they’re friends. Maybe more. You wink.  
DAVE: wait is this supposed to be my gay alien crush  
KARKAT: YOUR WHAT ALIEN WHO?  
Yes, this seems like a good time to take your leave. See them in a couple seconds!  
KARKAT: HOLD ON, ARE WE STUCK HERE?-  
Yupokaybye_zap_.

A young woman sits in her respiteblock, sun rays flooding in quite perilously. Your eyes take a second to adjust, and you see her scrolling through her lunchtop, not yet having noticed you. You think about how you should approach this for a minute, and flip up your hoodie. Oh, which still has stupid mutant blood dripping down the back. You lift a sleeve to your forehead and battle a headache. Her eyes flick up from where she was furiously typing, and there’s a brief moment where you just continue the eye contact. You think maybe you can see her pupils dilate a little bit.  
KANAYA: Are You  
KANAYA: Who I Assume You Are  
She stands pristinely, not taking a single second to break eye contact. You mumble an anxious yes.  
KANAYA: And You Are Assuming I Will Listen To Whatever You Have Evidence-Wise To Convince Me  
Well, erm, yeah. She seems like quite a nice, reasonable lady. You have some friends you think would really admire her for that.  
KANAYA: Ah Yes Friends  
KANAYA: Mine Are Currently Throwing A Shitfest  
KANAYA: Over A Blueblood That Killed A Massive Lusus And Brainwashed Karkat And Feferi  
KANAYA: I Am Sure You Know This Story Better Than I Do  
Okay, this is making you kind of nervous now. But yes, except a couple pieces of that summary are pretty incorrect. She takes out a tube of black lipstick and reapplies it slowly.  
KANAYA: Care To Correct Me  
You stutter. Um, well, you would care. Very much. Since she seems to care. Listen, you’re not here to be a danger to anyone! You just want to talk! She narrows her yellow eyes at you, clicking the lipstick tube shut.  
KANAYA: Then Talk  
You really wouldn’t like to be assuming anything here, but her posture is just so hostile.  
KANAYA: Why Might That Be  
Okay, this is just getting confusing. She really will let you talk?  
KANAYA: I Have Not Said Otherwise  
Her actions implied it, you huff. She shifts and sits down again, flinging aside a couple pieces of scattered silk. You can’t help but notice that she doesn’t even bother closing the windows or giving you some sort of shade.  
You tell her a variety of things, mostly the things she’ll deem important. They’re supposed to play a game, and you’re here to help. You have troll friends off-planet that would’ve died if you hadn’t gotten rid of Gl'bGolyb. She seems to tilt her head skeptically at this. You explain that there would be a lot of violence and many of her friends would die if you weren’t here to help, as well as the whole troll race being destroyed. You hope this strikes a chord with her. As you start to wrap up, you remember something else, as you happen to snag your eyes on a dark purple leather-bound book. You know tentacleTherapist. This seems to be the thing that draws her face into bewilderment.  
KANAYA: You Know Her  
Yup. You also happen to know more about their relationship, as well. She leans in, eyes wide.  
KANAYA: We Meet  
KANAYA: What Is Her Name  
Woah, woah. Cool her jets! (Do airplanes still not exist on Alternia?) Everything happens in due time. But it just so happens that you’re gathering all the trolls on the island where she is! She doesn’t respond, and you look up. Her expression is carefully hidden once more.  
KANAYA: Thats What This Is  
Wait, what what is?  
KANAYA: You Are A Blueblood And One Capable Of Mindreading No Less  
Wh- No you’re not!  
KANAYA: You Lured Feferi And Karkat With What They Really Want  
No!! She’s standing up, looming over you where you sit, lipstick held gently between two fingertips. You scoot back, squeaking. Hold on, you can… She raises her arm, yanking the cord of the chainsaw.

There’s little to do here, isn’t there?

**>ZAP AWAY**  
**>TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna make another strawpoll, please comment your preference. Anon or not!  
Voting closes Saturday night (the 26th) so I have time to write it before next Wed.


	10. P2 - 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did i write this many words?? it was supposed to be a short chapter ;-;  
Hell, I wasn't even supposed to start writing it till tomorrow, but I ended up having a lot of time today.  
my wrists hurt. Mayyyybe don't expect another update until wednesday.

**>TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF**

You ought to try and stick this out! You’ve faced more angry trolls before. And, um, sometimes you died as a result, but you’ll gloss over that part. The chainsaw’s engine starts to rev and you scoot backwards again. You yell over its noise, and wave your arms. If she would just let you explain-  
With a sneer, she brings the blade down in an arc that you roll away from. She pulls up before it crashes into the ground and shreds the pillows you were previously atop.  
KANAYA: I Am Only In The Business Of Dealing With One Blueblood On A Regular Basis  
Her voice is hardly raised above its natural level of softness, but you can still hear her well. She means Vriska, right? Does she need her moirail to pacify her? She draws a lip up like you’ve just suggested something lewd. Well, you um, you know she’s in the red but they’re still moirails officially, right? You narrowly dodge another arc of the noisy-ass chainsaw, which is really a sound that’s starting to get on your nerves.  
KANAYA: I Do Not Like Those That Invade My Thoughts  
You’re NOT a mindreader! You grunt in frustration, and start to edge out of the room, yanking your sleeves down to avoid your skin being burned by the sunlight from the windows..   
KANAYA: How Might You Be Privy To My Personal Affairs  
This really isn’t going well, is it? One strike with that thing and you’re gone. You jump out of the way again and zap midair to reappear behind her, and try yanking the large instrument of death out of her hands. She stifles a yell of confusion and shakes you off, and you bounce along the floor. The chainsaw does manage to fall from her hands and onto the floor, cutting straight into it and casting shrapnel everywhere. She covers her eyes with one arm and grabs the lipstick in the other.  
You think the cut on your neck has reopened, and you whine weakly. This is rough on your stupid human body. Wait… You yell in her general direction, and she looks at you with veiled rage.   
Stop stop stop! You’re not a cerulean, and you can prove it! You rip the bandage on your neck away, and a few drops of red escape from your neck. She looks slightly taken aback.  
KANAYA: You Are A Mutant  
Well, in technicality, you’re an alien. And your blood is normal for your species. You’re not a troll, not a mindreader, just some idiot who zaps around thinking others will readily accept their help. You mumble that last part mostly to yourself. Your skin is starting to burn, and you sit back down now that the lipstick is properly capped. This is going to be a long day. Night? It’s both. You wipe some blood from your back with your hand, and hold it out to show her.   
KANAYA: How Can I Know That You Are Telling The Truth  
You can take her to Karkat and Feferi! They would absolutely back you on this (hopefully). You’re not lying about anything that you’ve said. Also, you’re literally bleeding. Right now.  
She is looking skeptically at you still, and it’s hard to read her. It reminds your stunningly of Rose.  
KANAYA: Of Who  
Okay, you’re not pushing it anymore. No more talk about TT or anything too incredulous.  
KANAYA: Do Tell Me About TT  
KANAYA: Her Name Is  
KANAYA: Rose  
You sigh. This is just going great, isn’t it. Yes, her name is Rose. In another timeline, which you don’t feel like explaining right now, she and Kanaya meet.   
KANAYA: You Mentioned You Could Take Me To Meet Her Before  
Yes, but that was before she attacked you with lipstick. She can come, of her own volition. If she ever makes a choice.  
KANAYA: Am I Wrong To Be Mistrustful Of Teleporting Strangers Who Offer To Take Me Off Planet  
Well, uh, no. But how bad can it be? She’ll be resurrected if she dies.  
KANAYA: Ill Be What  
Shit, forget you said that (fulfilling her rainbow drinker fantasies would probably make her suspicious again). Anyways. What does she need to know to get her to go with you?  
KANAYA: How Did You Lure Karkat And Feferi To Go With You  
You didn’t *lure* anybody. You’re not a kid- err, trollnapper. Feferi just decided to come after she learned about her lusus, and Karkat followed to protect her. You told them basically the same stuff you told her.  
KANAYA: Hmm  
You shrug. It’s kind of a mystery how smoothly that happened.   
KANAYA: I Will Go With You On The Condition That You Will Take Me Back If I Deem You To Have Lied  
You, uh. Sure? You can do that? You have a condition of your own though. She narrows her eyes.  
KANAYA: What Could I Offer To A God  
You wave her off. You’re not a god yet. And it’s simple, really. Just… Put in a vote of confidence to her friends.  
KANAYA: Oh Okay I Suppose  
She strides over to her lunchtop and you attempt to resist the urge to read the conversation. You do not resist the urge.  
grimAuxillatrix [GA] is no longer an idle troll.  
AG: Where did you go off to, Kanaya????????  
CA: you can’t expect me to believve that fef just left!!  
AT: bUT,, yOU WERE WATCHING TOO, YOU SAW,,  
CA: but she wwouldn’t!!  
AC: 33: < what about karkitty??  
GA: Can We Pause This Argument For A Second  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, what the liiteral fuck iis happeniing?  
GA: The Thing That Is Happening Is I Am Leaving  
AG: WH8T????????  
TA: HUH  
AA: 0h  
AG: OH???????? ALL YOU H8VE TO S8Y IS OH?  
AG: WH8T DID THAT FUCKER SAY TO YOU????????  
AA: i did n0t f0rsee this  
GA: Its A Rather Spur Of The Moment Decision To Be Honest  
AG: So think a8out it more then!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Have Thought Things Through Quite Enough  
GA: I Implore You All To Listen To The Alien When They Come To Meet You  
GA: I Will Meet With You All Soon  
AG: KANAYA W8!  
grimAuxillatrix [GA] left memo.  
You look at her. She probably could have handled that better.  
KANAYA: Yes Well I Upheld My Side Of The Deal  
Fine, whatever, let’s go. We’re going to go pick up Vriska.   
KANAYA: Do I Have To Come Along For That  
There’s a light jade blush on her cheeks, and you nod. She’s the one that got Vriska FRE8KING the F8CK out, so she is going to help. You grab her shoulder and zap off.

Vriska sits at her desk, a smashed 8-ball on the floor, with a manic expression on her face. She looks angry, and furiously types. You shuffle over silently and peek at the screen. It’s PMs with Kanaya, but her lunchtop isn’t open so they aren’t delivering. A long block of blue is all over the screen, and continues to grow. You step forward a tiny bit more to try and make out what it says and blunder right onto a broken shard of 8-ball.   
_cruuuuuuunch_  
Fuck.  
Kanaya manages to shove you out of the way as Vriska pulls off a feat of acrobatics, leaping from her seat and twisting to nearly clobber you with her metal arm. Her arms don’t drop to her sides when she sees Kanaya.  
VRISKA: K8N8Y8! What the hell????????  
KANAYA: Vriska It Is Unneccessary To Act Violent  
VRISKA: Unnecessary? Intruders are in my hive and you think that 8eing proactive is unnecessary????????  
As much as you’d love to watch this bickering, you’ve got places to be and people to see. So can we all chill a bit and come to a mutual understanding? Vriska doesn’t hesitate to lunge at you, and Kanaya holds her back.  
VRISKA: Ugh! You really think I’m going to listen to a little wiggler like you?! I’m no IDIOT! You’re panrotting everyone, 8ut not ME!  
She grunts and shoves away from Kanaya, and you find yourself glad there’s some kind of barrier because you’re sure she would’ve straight up killed you without a second thought. She still looks up to it. You say you’re willing to prove yourself to her! You’re here to help, because otherwise this game that everyone’s gonna play is going to be very dangerous!  
VRSIKA: 8ut do I die????????  
Erm, that’s a loaded question. Yes, but also no? Canonically, no, but also in the game over timeline yes? The important part is that a majority of your group of twelve dies. Kanaya raises an eyebrow at this. You suppose you didn’t go into much detail there. You see Vriska roll something in her hands, and eye her suspiciously.  
VRISKA: That makes no fucking sense, you know.  
VRISKA: Where’s the cool spiel that 8uys my trust????????  
You wrack your brain. What the fuck does Vriska get out of SBURB? She’s important, yeah, but… Does she actually get anything good out of any of it? Your mind flashes to the epilogues and you try to hide a frown. She dies, or doesn’t, helps with Lord English, crashes on a war-torn planet and finds her image replaced by her ex’s kid… And then you don’t know. She never… Hmm.  
VRISKA: What’s the matter? Struggling to think of some hoof8eastshit that I’ll 8elieve?  
No, no… It’s that… Well, damn Vriska, her life kinda sucks.  
VRISKA: Woooooooow, thanks for reminding me.  
No, well, you mean. Even after the game. Kanaya looks at you with an unreadable expression.  
VRISKA: ...  
VRISKA: So you consulted your infinite lusus-murdering wisdom to figure that out?  
She continues her prickly tone, but you can tell that she might believe you. You sigh. This sucks so bad. Yeah, you say. Something like that. If she will just follow you, you can explain things more thoroughly.  
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight.  
VRISKA: Why should I care????????  
Because you’re willing to make things better! For her, and all her friends.  
VRISKA: Why should you?  
She mutters this, and as you go to respond Kanaya pats your shoulder in warning. She looks down at you with some kind of expression that says “don’t get into this conversation right now, it’s an endless loop.” She just has to trust you, okay? You’re gathering all her friends, and they can decide how they feel together.   
VRISKA: I don’t exactly trust people.  
You think for a minute. What would be a good way to phrase this? She’s light aspected, right? Why doesn’t she try her luck? Her brows quirk up- err, more accurately, one does and the other twitches. Maybe her eyepatched side doesn’t function as well.  
VRISKA: Hmm. I suppose that’s enough for me. Spidermom will be fine?  
For the foreseeable future, yes, since Equius won’t be causing any accidents with you. Kanaya sends you a look to quit rambling while you’re ahead.  
VRISKA: Then I supppose…….. Let’s 8low this 8lock!  
She rests a hand on Kanaya’s shoulder, and you hold her other shoulder. She looks between you two and shrugs lightly. Time’s a’wastin. Not really, but it’s hard not to think so.

_Zap._  
You’re back on the beach, and Kanaya throws up a hand over Vriska to shield the sun this time. Chivalry isn’t dead, you guess. But once again, you explain that the sun is harmless.  
You sigh weakly. A little break wouldn’t hurt, right? You just need to rest off the bloodloss, and you’ll be back at it. You beckon for the trolls you’ve gotten thus far and the kids into the house to avoid any more stupid yelling about the sun, and you can tell that they’re talking to each other but can’t force your ears to listen. It’s fine. If this were a shoddy fix-it story then the next chapter would probably be their conversation, but you’ve got important shit to do like cramming a bagel in your mouth and trying to get your body nice and stable again. Does Jade have bagels? You might have to eat whatever veggies she’s been growing or whatever. Where did they get that cereal from, earlier? You wave it off. Shit’s bound to be fucked. You’re the narrator for god’s sakes. You slump down in a chair in a room adjacent to all the teens, who are attempting to grapple a conversation with each other.


	11. P2 - 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy mother of god it's been two weeks since the last update. I am sorry for being a failure.  
I've been crazy busy with college, but updates should continue to be at least weekly...

Four teenage ambiguously-featured humans recline on a couch, facing off four wary and hostile aliens on the floor. It sounds like the start of a long, convoluted joke.  
VRISKA: So can I 8e the first to say……..  
VRISKA: WHAT THE F8CK IS GOING ON?  
KARKAT: PRETTY SURE I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SAY THAT BUT IT BEARS REPEATING.  
DAVE: well i mean technically it was one of us four probably  
DAVE: cant say i have every word of our logs accessible  
JOHN: our huh?  
DAVE: our pesterlogs  
DAVE: talks  
DAVE: keep up egg  
KARKAT: AS WITTY AND ENJOYABLE YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE GABBING MATCH IS, IT ISN’T. AT ALL.  
KARKAT: TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW. OR GET SEVERAL WEAPONS TO YOUR HORNLESS SKULLS.  
JOHN: wow, somebody’s crabby :B  
ROSE: To be fair, they got shot across an entire universe.  
VRISKA: We WH8T?  
FEFERI: Is t)(is t)(e universe my lusus got seant to?  
JADE: your what?  
KANAYA: Wait Can We Stop With The Whats And Collect Names Because I Am Very Eager To Speak With Somebody In Particular  
KANAYA: I Am Kanaya  
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU EAGER TO DO ANYTHING, KANAYA? CAN SOMEONE *PLEASE* EXPLAIN?  
ROSE: Names seem easy enough. I am Rose Lalonde. Greetings, interstellar travellers.  
Kanaya gasps and leans forward, but Rose is the only one to notice. The rest go around with their names.  
KARKAT: VANTAS. KARKAT VANTAS.  
VRISKA: I’m Vriska!!!!!!!! Scourge of the 8 seas!  
JOHN: (hehehe)  
VRISKA: (Did that one just laugh at me????????)  
DAVE: im the one and only dave strider dont forget it  
DAVE: and thats egbert  
JOHN: wait, why don’t i get to introduce myself?  
DAVE: you were busy giggling like a buffoon  
JADE: i’m Ja-  
FEFERI: )(i! My name is Feferi!  
JADE: my name is Jade.  
KANAYA: Wait It Is  
KANAYA: Thats A Bit Of An Obvious Name  
JADE: what?  
KARKAT: OH YEAH. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT COLOR BLOOD THESE IDIOTS HAVE.  
VRISKA: Can we 8et on it?  
FEFERI: Oo)(! Me first!! Jade is a jadeblood! Du)(!  
KARKAT: WE’D ALL STILL BE CONSIDERED BETTER THAN THEM. SINCE THEY’RE ALIENS.  
JOHN: you guys are technically the aliens! ‘cause, you’re on earth. not your murderplanet.  
JOHN: alternate land?  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: NO.  
ROSE: Reader mentioned the class system being based on bloodcolor on your planet.  
ROSE: I did have a few questions on the cultural implications of that, if anyone would like to explain it to me.  
ROSE: All humans happen to have a bright red blood color, with no variation.  
KARKAT: ALL OF THEM???  
KANAYA: I Would Be Willing To Explain Alternian Culture To You  
VRISKA: Kanaya, what the hell????????  
KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Stuck With These Aliens For The Forseeable Future Then Information Should Be Exchanged  
KARKAT: SO CAN WE SHARE SOME, THEN? WE’RE STILL SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT JACK SHIT.  
JADE: yeah but where did reader go?  
Reader is currently passed out on a couch. They decided later that it would be worth it to let the kids get to know each other a little, and so didn’t immediately jump back in with more trolls. Thus, this grace period exists.  
FEFERI: You s)(oald tell US! You all seam to )(ave a betta idea of w)(at’s going on...  
JADE: (oh god she does so many fishpuns!! john!!!)  
JOHN: (honestly, the puns are pretty much peak humor.)  
DAVE: we should let little buddy explain it  
DAVE: so we dont get into some weird misunderstanding subplot and scream at eachother  
VRISKA: Ooooooor I could roll my octet and see what horrible way to kill you if you don’t explain things!  
JADE: mspar wouldn’t let you do that!  
JOHN: yeah!! he likes us better!  
Rose rolls her eyes.  
ROSE: Nobody’s going to die. I’m sure you four can handle the suspense for like half an hour, or however long Reader needs. I couldn’t help but notice that they returned with blood all over their back.  
Kanaya, Vriska, and Feferi turn to look at Karkat.  
KARKAT: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT WAS THEIR FAULT. NOT MINE. ALL I DID WAS PIN THEM TO THE GROUND.  
VRISKA: To 8e fair, if Kanaya wasn’t there too I would’ve culled them straight away.  
JOHN: that doesn’t actually sound fair.  
VRISKA: WH8TEVER! I didn’t. So everything’s fine.  
ROSE: Exactly. Everything is fine. You all don’t need to act angry.  
VRISKA: W8, don’t pull that on me! I still want to know why we’re even here!  
DAVE: like i said spidergirl  
DAVE: (like your eyepatch by the way)  
DAVE: we’re gonna wait for friend shaped buddy pal guy to explain that all for you  
VRISKA: I am not s8ed by some stupid alien complimenting me! GRRRRRRRR.  
KANAYA: Vriska Restrain Yourself  
FEFERI: So none of your species can be seadwellers?  
FEFERI: T)(at’s so sad! 8(  
JADE: oh, do you mean the weird webby things on your face?  
She reaches up to poke a fin, but Feferi pushes her hand away and gives her a passive aggressive smile that easily shows her veiled anger at the gesture, many many sharp teeth flashing. She scooooooots a little bit closer to Rose and leans back into the couch.   
ROSE: Nautical exploration is still pretty rudimentary. We know more about space than our oceans.  
ROSE: Being a fish might be pretty cool. How do you live down there?  
KANAYA: Knowledge Is Rather Limited  
FEFERI: W)(ale I live down t)(ere so I can-  
KANAYA: We Should Talk About Hobbies  
KANAYA: Such As Writing But Of Course Not Limited To That  
KANAYA: And The Reality of Magic  
ROSE: I was under the impression that magic is fake as shit.  
ROSE: Reader left that up to our individual interpretations. But everything within the game is a construct, so I can confidently say magic is not fucking real.  
KANAYA: Wh  
KANAYA: What  
KANAYA: You Said In Your Guide  
KANAYA: Quote Magic Is Fucking Real Unquote  
KARKAT: WHAT GUIDE?  
ROSE: Oh, I think that long-winded story included me writing a GameFAQs. Didn’t think that would be important, but okay.  
ROSE: I haven’t written it yet. And I probably won’t, since I understand the situation better now.  
JOHN: would that create, like, a time paradox or something? since this alien knows about it?  
KANAYA: As Previously Stated My Name Is Kanaya And Not This Alien  
ROSE: I don’t think so. I’d hate to be fated to make mistakes simply to complete a time loop.  
ROSE: It doesn’t seem like the retcon powers work that way. They have the power to do whatever the fuck regardless of time or space.  
ROSE: Out of all the nonsensical stuff we apparently did, or were supposed to do rather, Reader’s powers seem like the end-all be-all. The complete game wrecker or fixer.  
KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
JADE: let’s not get too into that!  
JADE: ...kinda hurts my head to think about  
JADE: i mean, along with the thousands of memories of what happens in the next several hours...  
JADE: ranging from a bloody mess to a bloodier mess...  
JADE: and every couple seconds they change like they can’t seem to figure out the future quite right...  
She laughs nervously and the trolls look at her in bewilderment. She has said too much, despite her own warning.  
_ZAP_   
Aw man, grace period’s over. Future-Reader looks like they’ve seen hell, while they drop off a smiling Nepeta who drags her moirail by the hand over to tacklehug the first group of trolls. She manages to bowl over Kanaya and Feferi, while the other two jump out of the way.  
NEPETA: :33 < *ac purrs on fefurry and pawnaya!*   
NEPETA: :33 < i can’t believe we finally get to m33t!  
Equius stands off to the side, sweating heavily. Vriska looks at him witheringly.   
VRISKA: I can’t 8elieve you of all trolls didn’t cull the 8astard on sight.  
EQUIUS: D -> They were already in possession of my moirail  
EQUIUS: D -> She unfortunately talked me down  
EQUIUS: D -> Despite this thing being e100sive about their b100d color  
Okay, shut up, that’s enough of that. Current-Reader is about to wake up and get to work.  
You (as in future-Reader) will not be taking part in that. So maybe shut the fuck up about all this killing business and save past- um. Current reader, the trouble, be good houseguests, and don’t start fucking around like they do in your timeline. You’ve already gone back four god damn times to repeat this.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: HUH?  
All you’re going to say is. For the love of fuck, stay in this room for two measly fucking minutes. And let yourself from the past not deal with everything you just did. It would involve a lot less bloodloss that way. Retcon, out. Peace.   
_ZAP_

You are now Current Reader.  
What the fuck??! How did Nepeta and Equius get here? And why are they all standing complacently? That was just about the last damn thing you expected to wake up to.  
ROSE: Future you just retconned something bad, I think.  
Oh, okay? Well… You guess you’ll get back to work then.  
Yawwwwwn.  
_Zaaaap._


	12. P2 - 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to make up being gone for two weeks, have two updates today ;-; im still sorry

As you zap through time and space once more, you mentally groan. That nap didn’t really help at all. It was like, half an hour of vague discomfort and stress dreaming. Once you work through all the bullshit with the beta trolls, you’ll have to settle down for realsies. You are probably going to put a lot, lot, lot more emotional energy into trying to get your *real* troll friends along for the ride. At least they’re less likely to try and murder you.  
You quickly ponder what it was that future-you had retconned. You didn’t get to talk with them. Shit, where are you actually going?  
Oh. It’s… Gamzee’s. Shudder.  
Wait… You squint as the room comes into focus. You… You’re there?  
Future you is standing with their foot tapping, next to a passed out clown. 

Finally. Took you milliseconds enough.  
Huh?  
Look, I fixed a few problems for you. No need to thank me. My timeline got absolutely fucked, so you better use my graciousness well.  
Why do you sound like a massive prick?  
I’m tired. And also I’m doomed, and bleeding from fatal wounds. The last person I get to talk to is myself, so I’m not entirely thrilled with the situation.

Future (Doomed?) you staggers away and looks back on you one last time with a smile. You can feel a chill curling along your spine. Wow, what the hell. That could be you eventually, in a different situation. Your head kinda hurts, but it’s probably not nearly as bad as you feel. Um, how doomed you feels. The pronoun game is starting to get annoying as fuck.  
Future you doesn’t zap away. Instead they sink down against one of Gamzee’s filthy mealblock counters, and you feel too sick to watch yourself die. You swallow and hold an unconscious purpleblood by the shoulder and _zap_ to earth and back.

So, yeah. You’re filled with an even stronger existential dread now. It’s fish time.  
You zap a couple inches away from the ground, and plop down onto wet sand. This looks similar to the area where you first met Feferi… Your retcon powers seem to indicate this is the place you need to be.  
God damn.

You walk along the shore, still somewhat reeling. Having a minute or two of peace is the last thing you want right now, because there’s nothing to distract you from the fact that you, at some point, fucked up so bad that another timeline’s Reader had to die for you. That just has to be the consequences of this stuff… It still gnaws at you a little bit though.  
ERIDAN: wwho the fuck are you?  
Shit! Where is this bastard… You turn your head, trying to locate him. That is, until a rather sizable gun is pressed into the small of your back. So, he’s right there.  
ERIDAN: i said  
ERIDAN: WWHO THE FUCK  
ERIDAN: are YOU?  
Jesus, stop yelling. You already have a headache. Shut the fuck up god damn.   
ERIDAN: you expectin me to listen to a damn trollnapper?  
Mmm, yeah, you are. ‘Cause he will. You have a way of getting people to listen to you.  
ERIDAN: you havve some nervve to expect me to do JACK shit for you aside from takin your ass to the drones  
Okay, but here’s a take. What if. He didn’t do that.  
ERIDAN: oh yeah? and wwhy should i do that?  
‘Cause you’re feeling particularly like you don’t want to do that, is all… Surely, he understands feeling trapped in a situation that he doesn’t want…  
ERIDAN: wwhat’s that supposed to mean?  
Ohh, you dunno… It’s different for everyone! Maybe being squashed into the wrong quadrant with that special someone? The gun lets up a tiny bit, and you take the time to turn around and face your new acquaintance. Let you guess, this is… Ooh, gotta use your magic on this one for a second… Ahh-Err- Eridan? He looks like an Eridan.  
ERIDAN: oh fuck you. this is some kinda joke i’m not in isn’t it.  
God, this conversation feels like a joke. Like, okay, listen. Does he wanna see his friends?  
ERIDAN: or is this some sort of ransom  
Right, should not have framed the question that way. It’s quite an innocent question, really.   
Like, literally you could bring him to his friends right now. You know he’s lonely. You know he wants to see them, not just Feferi.  
ERIDAN: can you stop talkin?  
Nah.   
If he can hear you out, he’d know he doesn’t really want to do all that horrible stuff he thinks he does. Like exterminating all landdwellers. Hell, you’re just spitballing here… Is he just acting out so that Fef keeps paying attention to him and their little pale thing? You pat him on the shoulder while his guard’s lowering. He mostly looks confused as fuck.   
Look, you could totally help out with that. You know this kid’s entire life trajectory, and it ain’t pretty, gotta say. (You omit that the redrom he seeks right now will never pan out, that might not help your case.) He looks completely overwhelmed by your business pitch, and you find it a bit laughable. When did this whole thing turn into a door to door sale? You mean, you really are selling something that money can’t buy here. Magic retcon powers to make people have nice, much less shitty lives. Tagora would be proud… Shit, stop there. Don’t get caught up in your real friends just yet. There’s work to be done.  
Are you being selfish?   
Fuck god damnit, stop with the intruding thoughts.  
ERIDAN: alright im fuckin curious now.  
ERIDAN: this is howw i die, aint it?  
ERIDAN: wwhat do you wwant from me in return?  
What is it with everyone and thinking you need anything out of this? You just want your friends to not die. Is that too much to ask? No payment from them, and at this point these trolls don’t even need to be your friend. Fuck it, yeah you just said that. You’re friendstacked and feeling nihilistic.  
ERIDAN: wwhat the hell are you glubbin about noww?  
Wow you ARE being selfish aren’t you. What’s bringing this on? This is a recipe for disaster, rushing through things.  
ERIDAN: can you shut the fuck up about your problems???  
He speaks roughly, and his fins are pressed back. Shit, is he taking this bad?  
ERIDAN: some of us havve shit to DEAL wwith!  
ERIDAN: so if you’re done blathering about how rich wwith friends you are, can wwe get a fuckin movve on???  
You realize you haven’t really been putting your heart into this. You’re forcing it. You’re worn out and hurt psychologically. But that’s not Eridan’s fault. He just happens to be a bystander. Okay. Breathe in and out, sigh.  
Does he want to go with you to meet his friends? It’s happening eventually whether he likes it or not, and seven others are already waiting.  
ERIDAN: that sounds...  
ERIDAN: fuck it, that sounds nice.  
Wow. That worked. You half-assing through it and insulting him in many different ways fucking worked. What.   
He tentatively holds a hand out, like he’s unsure of what you have to do. You take it and zap away.

Into the seven trolls and four kids sitting in a circle, talking about something. It’s a couple minutes since you last zapped in. Gamzee is snoring next to Karkat, who’s patting him on the back nervously. Kanaya and Vriska, Nepeta and Equius are sitting close to each other. Feferi looks uncomfortable and lonely, but perks up when her moirail arrives.

You’re aware of them talking to eachother, the kids and trolls each saying things, but it sounds like fuzz. You lean against the doorframe and stare hollowly. You need to take a breather again, and you refrain from beating yourself up over it only having been like twenty minutes. A rough amount of time. You hardly notice at first when Rose gets up and moves towards you.  
ROSE: Are you okay, Reader?  
Yeah. This just takes a lot, you say.  
ROSE: We can talk away from the others if you need.  
You shake your head, but she leads you out of the room anyways.   
ROSE: Tell me what’s the matter.  
It’s not her problem. You just need to break out of this little funk and get back on your way.  
ROSE: I disagree.  
ROSE: My friend’s problems are my problems. I happen to be quite nosy like that.  
You chuckle lightly, still feeling a little warm after all this time to be considered a friend by somebody.   
ROSE: So?  
You think maybe you’re really, REALLY realizing the full gravitas of this. You did before. But now it’s in action, and it’s a different kind of beast. It’s not the kind of shit that goes light. You just stumbled your way through grabbing Eridan, and you feel like shit for how you did it. You found yourself approaching him like another object to collect, and the whole point is to make everyone into more than just a playing piece. But at the same time, it’s hard to keep up the same tone when you meet so many people trying to resist you in similar ways. You sigh.  
ROSE: Hm. That’s a lot to work with.  
ROSE: Usually when I ask my friends for their problems I get a couple words, not a fully thought out dilemma.  
Huff. It’s almost worse, because it *worked.* And you have no idea how. Eridan just went with it, after just a few questions.  
ROSE: Maybe you don’t realize the effect you have on people.  
Hm?  
ROSE: I was thinking last night about the roles that you said we had. Classes and Aspects. I See things related to Light, or luck. Or so you explained.  
ROSE: Maybe you weren’t destined to play the game in the same way that we are. But you should consider that the game can preemptively create roles.  
ROSE: You mentioned that you want your troll friends to play the game too, hm?  
ROSE: Did you ever notice that they acted in inexplicable ways? Archetypes even?  
A certain oliveblood flashes through your mind, her knowing squirrely smile wrapping threads around your thoughts. You nod. Maybe you could even see that in others, if you thought on it for long enough.  
ROSE: So what about you?  
ROSE: What struggles will you have to go through to improve?  
ROSE: I don’t know the answer, but maybe you should think about it. And hey, take a break for a bit. You can retcon if you really have to, but let your mind rest for real.  
ROSE: Maybe you could… Go see your other friends.  
ROSE: That might clear your head.  
She taps the table by her a couple times and nods at you with a mirror image of Boldir’s knowing smile. Then walks off, leaving you in a daze of thoughts.

You leave Jade’s large house and walk slowly through the leaves. Maybe you can check in on a couple of your friends. Remind yourself what the end goal is. Make them happy. It’s all for them.  
You can’t let them see you, not yet. But you can be a spirit for just the tiniest bit of time and help them from afar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some trolls are already set in stone, but I'm taking suggestions for some friends you want MSPAR to visit! Leave a comment if there's anyone you think needs some good old attention. Not every friendsim character will be gotten to in the first act, that's in the next one...  
The next chapter will be a brief intermission


	13. P2 - 8 - Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter within twenty four hours? I can't be stopped. I am driven by guilt and hyperfocus.  
:clap::clap:FRIENDSIM TROLL TIME! FRIENDSIM TROLL TIME!:clap::clap:
> 
> Also, for the forseeable future, since MSPAR refuses to be written in any way other than third person while active, (you) represents the MSPAR that is currently not the most narratively focused. This might be a bit confusing, but there's not really any other way I've tried that fits as well.

The memories of your friends, good and bad, flood through your mind over and over as you try to decide. Who do you deserve to see?! You can’t see many of them, that heightens the risk that they’ll catch you spying.  
Fuck it, you can’t think too hard on it. You catch yourself before you start to breathe heavily. Short trips, just watch… You pull your hoodie over your head, and think of who could really help you get your head on straight without any interference before zapping off in a tizzy.

You stagger into the caverns, and look behind you at the bright outside. It’s midday out there, and you hiss involuntarily. Your powers said this is where you have to be, and you press against a mossy, wet wall, doing your best to conceal yourself.  
The scent of the jade caverns is one that can just put you at ease, just a bit. You wistfully exhale. It’s slightly humid but cool, and while you can’t see who you want yet you can already feel your heart rate going down. It’s crazy to think that just moments ago you felt on the verge of tears. You almost feel like you can hear the light calm noises of lusii waiting to collect their grubs, but at the entrance, none of the animals are around.  
??????: [] Come on, Karako! []  
??????: Honk?  
The two younger trolls come scampering towards the entrance, Wanshi’s giggling. Karako follows her, carrying a stick-thing- Oh, it’s some kind of umbrella?  
WANSHI: [] It’s the middle of the day, nobody Will even notice We Went anyWhere! Really! []  
KARAKO: Honk...  
You gaze from the shadows, watching the two converse and smiling feebly. They could be happy like this forever, if you keep at it. The purpleblood opens his umbrella and twirls it about curiously. Wanshi beckons and he nods. She dashes out into the sunlight, basking in it. You nearly forgot for a second that jades were okay out at day, and held in a nervous breath.  
KARAKO: Honk honk!  
Karako pauses for a couple seconds, and gazes in your direction with an unreadable expression. You stay still as possible, looking wistfully into his round eyes. He turns away and leaps after her, the two starting off in the light. You already feel so much better. Well, that is, until your traitorous mind prods at you with self doubt. Can you really ask them to endure the game?  
You can. Or else, they’ll grow up and lose all that happiness…  
You shake it off and zap down lower. All around jades are murmuring, and you try not to feel a pang for them. The ones you don’t know and can’t care for. You slink away towards some lesser corridors, keeping a sharp eye out.  
DARAYA: ▲no i know about that.▼  
You slip behind an open door after making sure that the room was empty, and try your best to listen to the conversation that you just saw Daraya having over a palmhusk.  
DARAYA: ▲▲you can’t be serious!▲▲  
She sounds… Excited about something? That’s… Really interesting…  
DARAYA: ▲what’s she saying? does she know about them?▲  
DARAYA: ▼▼shit...▼▼  
Oh, it’s gone. You peek out, and her back is to you. She’s hunched, one hand up to her ear and the other pressed against the shale wall.  
DARAYA:▲ listen, i’ll be out as soon as i can...▼  
DARAYA:▲ if there’s any leads on them, especially something like this...▼  
DARAYA: ▲i want to help find them.▼  
The call apparently ends, and she sighs. What the hell is this about? You’re about two weeks out from when you were taken by Doc Scratch. What’s she trying to find, who’s she conspiring with outside of the caverns? You hear her footsteps retreating and wish you could just jump out on her. No, you can’t fuck with the narrative yet. It’s time to leave the jades. Maybe you’ll skip ahead a bit so it’s night.

You zap into a closet of some kind. Makes sense. You stay hidden among rows of clothes and see her approach. She’s being tailed by somebody you don’t know, a rustblood, who whispers into her ears.  
CHIXIE: are you serious / you can’t be serious / is it who i’m thinking of  
She, in turn, whispers back to them, and they shake their head. The rust looks friendshaped… But you need to focus. Things are wack so far. Like some kinda mystery for you to solve. Quietly and unnoticed. The unfamiliar one requests for Chixie to follow, and you do too, albeit navigating through a sea of hanging clothes.  
As she slips through a back door, you can’t help but feel apprehensive. This feeling intensifies as you inch forward, until…  
**Is that my MSPAR?**  
The narrative wall slams down and you step backwards. FUCK. This is bad. Scratch was here before you had him decommissioned. He can’t seem to make you do anything, but trying to walk out that damn door is nigh impossible. Just outside you can see the faint outline of Chixie waver like it’s a simple hologram. And now that you’ve retconned this… He knows you’re going to be coming back. He can warp through time up until the point where he gets clobbered.  
DOC SCRATCH: Hmm, I wonder how you got here.  
DOC SCRATCH: I sent you off on that little adventure with the kids. Thought it might be something for the fans to drool over while I did the real work.  
DOC SCRATCH: There are only a few timelines where you get any memories back.  
DOC SCRATCH: Even out of infinite lines, it’s nigh impossible.  
Your head feels clouded over, and you shake in terror.  
DOC SCRATCH: Ah, since you were so gracious to blunder back into my hands, it wouldn’t be hard to just set you back on your tracks.  
DOC SCRATCH: After all, I do have other stories to facilitate.  
DOC SCRATCH: Yours is set with the appropriate amount of boundaries that you should be kept in check.  
DOC SCRATCH: But yet...  
You think you see Chixie’s figure blip in and out of view, and for a moment you catch her eye. Seconds tick by… A slowed sense of surprise appears in her face… Before she can open her mouth you rip away.  
DOC SCRATCH: Ooh, seems like you’ve picked up a little narrative weight somehow. I can’t make you do what I want.  
DOC SCRATCH: I can simply prevent you from interfering with my story.  
DOC SCRATCH: Did you like the feeling of slamming into my narrative wall? That’s what happens when an insignificant little reader tries to get too ambitious.  
DOC SCRATCH: It sure is interesting to watch for me, at least.  
Shut up… SHUT UP!  
You want him out of your head right now. RIGHT NOW. You zap back to Earth and stumble through the wilderness that you popped into, the narrative pressure from Scratch suddenly gone and making your legs give out.  
You have to retcon your retcon before everything you have backfires horrendously.

You’re back in the closet, and you watch Chixie file through once more - looking for (your) previous flash. There it is-  
You wait until she and the rust start to leave the room, and you bum rush (yourself), tackling them and pinning them to a wall. (You) start into a startled yell, but you slap a hand over (your) mouth. This. This is really weird.  
Okay, listen, you say. (You) need to stop _right here_. If (you) try to go through that door, (you’ll) fuck everything up.  
(You) widen (your) eyes.  
There’s no time to feel sorry about it, you tell (yourself). Stop feeling bad about it. This is it. This is the real deal, okay? Mistakes might mean dooming a timeline. That means slow painful death of that universe. Think of Dave. This is what Dave was dealing with, tenfold. You and (you) need to tread carefully from now on. For everyone’s sakes. And don’t feel bad. Maybe you’ll never know what you did wrong…  
You’re talking more to yourself now.  
(You) nod and swallow nervously, and you exhale softly.  
(You) zap off, branching the timeline. And this is all yours now.  
Holy fuck.  
You dart back to the safety of the clothing, and catch your breath.  
What the fuck was Scratch trying to do with your friends?  
What did he get done?  
Was he finished when Hussie stopped him?  
They aren’t important to Homestuck! That’s why you’re doing all of this!  
Who the hell was Daraya talking about?! Are you going to be able to even find out, or is it part of Scratch’s “story”?

Miraculously, you aren’t worried anymore… You’re determined. You’re determined to swoop them away from this… This… Chessboard stupidity.  
You’re stopped from your monologue when Chixie peeks her head back into the room, grabbing something off the counter. You can’t see what, but behind her a figure in a black hood and bronze sign is anxiously fiddling with their hands and looking around. You need to go before Scratch can notice you again.  
_Zap._

You just want to check on a couple others. Hopefully you can catch them in a time of being idle and unimportant to Scratch’s thing.  
You pop outside of Cirava’s hive, and duck down when you see them staring wistfully out a window, blowing puffs of smoke.  
CIRAVA: haha chat you wont believe it  
You hear them talking, muffled, probably to their stream.  
CIRAVA: whatever strain this is i got sent from that blueblood is fucking crazy lmao  
CIRAVA: on gog i just saw a flash of light coming from my lawnring  
Oh shit that was you zapping in. You breathe a sigh of relief that they think it was a hallucination or something. They seem to be… Okay, otherwise.  
CIRAVA: anyways. check out the thing i pinned on my chittr.. i really gotta find …...  
The rest trails off as they move on through the hive. What? What do they have to find?! Damn it. It’s like the universe isn’t ready for you to know.  
Just one more for now. You need to get back to gathering all the Homestuck trolls after this.  
_Zap._

As your vision refocuses, you realize you’re standing *right* in the middle of her livingblock. Shitshitshitshitshit. This isn’t stealth!!!  
But it’s not like it matters, you realize, because Ardata’s slumped over the mealblock table and not looking up. You resist the urge to rush over and check her.  
She breathes a large sigh and keeps her head down on the table for a while, completely silent. You wonder how long she’s been there. Suddenly she pushes away from the table, chair scraping, and wipes her face. Was she just, like, sitting there crying silently? She doesn’t even notice you standing there quite plainly, turning towards the trapdoor to her basement and staring blankly at it. You’re stock still, but she seems to be having her own little moment and doesn’t recognize you in her peripheral vision.  
ARDATA: thiiis iiis fiiine.  
It most definitely doesn’t sound fine, and she most definitely doesn’t look fine, but she slams the door open and tromps down all the same.  
Okay, that sucked ass and now you feel sad.  
It’s time to make more friends!

And you’re back to Jade’s abode once more. You’ll be back to see more of your friends before you get done… You have a feeling. But for now you’ll check in with everyone up here and get back to friendquesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ever wanna ask me some questions? my tumblr is here! (I'm also considering making a sideblog dedicated to this fic, whaddaya think?)  
https://wholesum-meems.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will come at least once a week, on Wednesdays. Expect surprise extras!  
In this plot, MSPAR makes friends with everyone on 4/13, not over a few days. There is a reasoning behind this.


End file.
